Hi Dad, and Mum, and maybe a handful of other people who might be reading this,
What is an open letter?
A letter that you are writing to someone specific, but also to the world.
Why?
Because yesterday when I thought about writing it, I felt scared. And that's when I knew that I definitely had to do it. (Totally makes sense, right?)
I don't even know where to begin.
I'm not going to go into specifics.
I always told myself I wouldn't ever write a blog about our family stuff, it was something I would always keep to myself.
It was like the ONE THING that I would keep to myself, I am happy to talk about anything and everything else.
But I decided that I would write this, not as a scathing list of all the wrong things you've done to me, but as a sort-of honest declaration of things children don't often tell their parents (at least my brothers and I certainly haven't).
Dad, you have often scared a lot of my friends.
If I ask most people what their first impression of you is, they will say that you terrify them.
And to be honest, I think that's awesome.
I probably shouldn't think that, but I do.
And when I hear that I also terrify people upon first meeting me, I consider it a success.
South Africans are scary people!
We tell it like it is 100%.
We don't tiptoe around the subject or try to be politically correct.
Its just, BOOM! There it is.
It can be hard to take at times, even for me.
Growing up, you were terrifying at times, but I think I prefer that to the soft-spoken, teddy-bear, never-say-a-bad-word-or-dole-out-any-kind-of-discipline approach to parenting.
Yes, I got smacked with the belt a few times, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
I do appreciate that you disciplined me, but never as much as my brothers (haha sorry boys).
I got my fair share of chili powder which was also a good thing. Children should not be allowed to use filthy language. It's just not right.
Dad, I never saw the world through your perspective.
I didn't even consider the fact that you moved from your only home-country that you'd lived in your whole life and loved dearly to a completely new and scary place.
You sacrificed a lot.
More than I ever realised.
It must have been the hardest thing you'd ever done, coming to New Zealand all on your own to a strange northland town that didn't make any sense.
If it came down to it, I don't know if I'd be brave enough to do it.
I grew up in a safe and happy environment because of your sacrifice, so I'll say it here for once and for all: THANK YOU, PAPA.
We have had our disagreements (many of them), but you are not a bad person and I don't think badly of you.
I don't apologize for the letter I wrote you last year, but I DO apologize for not considering your side of the story when I aired all my grievances with you.
No one is perfect, not you nor myself, but we are made perfect in our weaknesses, by the grace of God.
Thank you for always listening when I would talk to you about my problems and for paying for everything as I was growing up.
Thank you for all the painkillers when the red visitor of doom would leave me bed-ridden, and for giving me antibiotics when the doctors in Dunedin diagnosed me wrong, AGAIN!
I am so blessed to have a doctor for a Dad, God must have known that I would need it and that's why he chose me to be your offspring.
Thank you for giving me every little thing that my heart desired as I was growing up, I realise now you probably shouldn't have done that (I'm certainly not doing it for my own children, they can deal with it) but it's done now!
I do appreciate everything. EVERYTHING!
You and Mum were not perfect parents, but you tried your very best.
No one can say you didn't.
And you spoilt us kids more than we deserved, so THANK YOU.
I could write a long list of all the things you did that disappointed me, but at the end of the day, what is the point?
The crux of the whole situation is this:
Yes, we all made mistakes in the past and treated each other worse than we should have, but it was all part of the process.
We also had a lot of good times, and in the end, we are all tied together by blood and by our love for each other and for the Lord.
You can't choose your family.
And looking back, I wouldn't change you as my Dad.
If anyone says anything bad about you, I am quick to shut them down.
You are not a Kiwi Dad, the kind of dad everyone else has, but you are my Dad.
And I'm proud to say I am your daughter.
I am sorry I don't have the same ambitions you do, I am happy to live a simple life.
But that's just what I've chosen for myself, and I hope you'll be okay with that.
I think the most important thing is that we live a life that God has called us to, always remembering to keep Him in the center.
I hope this letter finds you well, and anyone else reading this will consider their own relationships with their parents.
God bless you always and lots of love x
Daughter.
