Hello Blog,
I spent quite a bit of time thinking about how I was going to write this and what a good title was.
I wanted something that would catch peoples attention, but without being sensationalistic or "holier-than-thou", which is worse in my opinion.
DISCLAIMER: I did not write this to make anyone feel bad about themselves.
If you are getting married and are no longer a virgin, I do not judge you in the slightest.
Whether you are a believer and follower of Jesus, or whether you are not, this is not to condemn you.
This is, simply, MY STORY.
I feel it is important that I share it, even if just to show people that its possible to withstand the urge and temptation of sex in a society that seems to be drenched in it.
I am 24 years old, and at the time of writing this, I am a virgin.
I will post the link to this blog once my wedding day has been and gone and I am no longer a virgin (LOL)
Yes its funny.
Yes, I laugh when people talk to me about sex.
And when Lyndon and I were buying things for the wedding night (for protection) I got all embarrassed and squirmy and wanted to run away.
I am 24 years old, I swear.
I guess I should explain how I went this long without engaging in.. well.. you know.
You may think the opportunity never arose.
Well, I'm sorry, but that just isn't true.
I had PLENTY of opportunities. Being alone with boys.
No one around. Kissing them. But it never escalated to sex, you know why?
Because I decided at a young age that it was important for me to wait.
I never told myself if I was in love and felt I was ready that I'd do it.
I was taught that it was the right thing to do, for me, to wait.
And I agreed with that. From my innermost being I believed that.
Maybe waiting to have sex isn't a big deal to you.
Maybe it doesn't mean much.
But I think it does.
As someone who believes in God and what He teaches us, I truly believe that it is in your best interest to wait.
I have done many things I'm not proud of.
I struggled with alcohol addiction at 19 years of age.
I involved myself in relationships that were in no way honouring to God.
I didn't "guard my heart" as some Christians will tell you that you have to do.
I fooled around and was careless at times and I drank way too much.
I threw my emotions at people and wrote angry songs.
But I never had sex.
Even when I was drunk and went home with a guy and made out with him on his bed for awhile, I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him.
Why?
Well. I just didn't want to.
I didn't want to be the girl who guys talked about hooking up with, and swapping stories with each other about how I was for them.
I didn't want anyone to call me "easy"
But most of all, I didn't want people to question my relationship with God.
Because "Christians are supposed to wait til marriage"????
Yes and no.
I'd just like to point out that my relationship with God hasn't always been smooth sailing.
During the peak of my problems with alcohol, God wasn't even really in the picture.
I was drinking all the time and experimented with drugs, but I still didn't have sex.
Fast forward to when I met Lyndon.
For the first time ever, I actually wanted to go back on my decision to wait.
I loved Lyndon more than I'd ever loved anyone, and though we danced around the boundary of what is appropriate for a Christian couple to be doing, we never had sex.
I hope he doesn't mind me saying this, but he REALLY wanted to.
And at times I did even more than him.
But in my moments of weakness, when I asked him if maybe we should just give up on waiting til marriage, Lyndon said "no".
Every other time, when Lyndon was questioning our decision, I would tell him that it was important to me that we didn't have sex til we were married.
And he would agree.
In my moment of weakness, Lyndon loved me enough to refuse me.
That's real love right there.
If Lyndon was less of a man, he might have been like "OK sure!"
And then we would have most likely regretted that decision.
I want to be an example to women that you don't have to have sex to fulfill any kind of need inside of you, whether it's for intimacy or acceptance, or whether you feel that giving sex is the only way you'll be able to receive love.
I have LOVED being a virgin for 24 years.
I love telling doctors and nurses and them not believing me.
I love not worrying about pregnancy or getting cervical smears or having to deal with birth control.
It has been AMAZING.
I also enjoy telling people I'm a virgin, if it ever comes up.
I'm proud of it.
I don't want to shove it in peoples faces and make them think that I'm better than them.
I feel the same way about my sobriety.
I'm not telling you not to drink, its just better for me that I don't drink,
It's better for me that I don't have premarital sex.
I'm not holding my virginity hostage, I'm not denying my natural urges for sexual gratification, I'm simply holding onto a decision I made as a young girl.
I would not give my virginity to anyone who was not my husband.
I saved myself for him.
I worked hard.
It wasn't always easy to wait, have I mentioned that already?
But I am SO glad I did.
I really don't believe we were created to have multiple sexual partners, that is not what sex was designed for. Sex is meant to be between two people who love each other.
Take the God aspect out of the equation, and you might still agree with me.
You don't have to be a Christian to agree with my standpoint.
A lot of trauma and pain can result in behaving promiscuously.
I just want people to see that it can be done.
Even if you are in love and planning on getting married, you can still wait.
I've been with Lyndon for almost two years, engaged for over one of those, and I am still a virgin.
I have slept in beds next to boys, who have expected sex from me and who I have refused.
I used to wear a purity ring on my finger before I snagged it on a door and it bent out of shape.
My dad gave it to me when I was 17.
The ring didn't keep me from having sex, it just reminded me of the reasons why I had decided not to.
My parents raised me to believe that sex was special and should be saved for marriage.
Sure, I could have rebelled and done whatever I wanted, but I actually agreed with what they were saying.
I was going to wait.
And even when it got difficult, I still waited.
And now I have done it.
I don't expect congratulations from anyone. That's not what this is about.
I just want to make myself an example to say: YOU CAN DO IT TOO!
And even if you have had premarital sex before, you can still wait til you're married, if you want.
I believe in you.
p.s- I am writing this after my wedding day. I am no longer a virgin (as you may have expected) and I have to say, I don't actually feel any different. It doesn't feel like my eyes have been opened and I understand the world a little bit better now. So it just shows, people feel like virginity is something to get rid of. Maybe you should hold on to it for a little longer? There really is no rush. :)
Oh and since you're already here, why don't you mosey on over to my Bandcamp page and listen to me sing some songs? ---> https://martinette.bandcamp.com/
Thaaaaanks!!!!!
