So for today's blog entry, I thought I would just do something a bit silly and not-serious-at-all.
Here's a newsflash for you, and don't freak out too much, but I've NEVER watched an episode of Game of Thrones. Nor have I read the books.
I know next to nothing about it.
All that I know is stuff I picked up on by watching other tv shows and movies, pop culture references (like those in skit shows like Saturday Night Live) or what I've heard friends and family say.
I thought it might be fun if I tried to guess/explain who/what I think every main character is/does/if they're still alive etc etc.
Unless you watch Game of Thrones this probably won't be very entertaining.
I honestly feel like Lyndon and I are some of the only people left in the developed world who do not watch this show. It certainly feels that way!
So without further adieu, here is my CLUELESS GUIDE TO GAME OF THRONES!!!!
Tyrion Lannister:
He is played by Peter Dinklage. Did you see him in SNL? Because he was actually really funny.
They did a Game of Thrones skit where nothing happened for the whole episode. Just Jon Snow lying there dead.
From what I know, Tyrion is a cool guy. Yep.
He's still alive.
Jaime Lannister:
Related to Tyrion???
I'm just going by the last name here..
He's still alive maybe?
Cersei Lannister:
Isn't she the crazy woman who does inappropriate things with her brother?? (I'm referring to incest) Is HE Jaime???
I don't know his name. I think I'm right though. Jaime is the brother and Cersei is the sister and they had a child together which is the little king dude who everyone hates.
Yeah I think I'm right.
She's gotta be alive!
Daenerys Targaryen:
Emilia Clarke plays her. I heard somewhere that she was supposed to be 13 in the show but because she also sleeps with guys it wasn't appropriate and they had to make her older.
She has the dragons, and they call her 'Khaleesi' or something like that.
She has really bleach-blonde long hair and at one point she yelled: "WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?!"
She loves her dragons.
Wasn't she in a relationship with a much older man? I heard that somewhere.
She's still alive.
Jon Snow:
He was important. Then he died. I've heard girls say they think he's good looking.
People have this quote about him but I can't remember it now.
He's dead for now but might get resurrected.
Petyr Baelish:
Dude, I never heard of you!
Going by your name I'm gonna say you're a guy. But other than that I've got nothing.
Dead or alive, who knows?
Jorah Mormont
Jorah is a fun name. Once again, never heard of you. I'm thinking you're a dude.
You could be alive.
Sansa Stark:
She's played by this girl that was also in this other movie I watched. I've seen a picture of her walking with Joffrey (the little king dude). Was she supposed to be betrothed to him or something?
From what I've heard she is kinda boring.
Still alive. Too boring to be dead.
Arya Stark:
Relation of Sansa. That's all I know bahaha.
Bran Stark:
Maybe Stansa's brother or father?
Bran sounds like a masculine name.
Could be wrong.
Could be alive or dead.
Theon Greyjoy:
Again, fun name! Greyjoy. Makes him sound like a contradiction.
Could be a good dude.
Are you alive or dead? I could not say.
Sandor Clegane:
How did George R R Martin think of all these bizarre-o names?! They are worse than Lord of the Rings. Sandor???? Um.. okay. Clegane. Sounds like something you'd get stuck in your throat after drinking too much milk.
I don't know if you are alive, but you sound like a man.
Joffrey Baratheon:
Little king dude!!!!
He is hated by everyone. The product of incest, so that definitely doesn't help matters.
Why are you such a horrible person?
Maybe its because he knows his parents were being naughty and he could never get over what he is.
I know this, everyone was SUPER HAPPY when you died.
Sorry little dude.
(Probably for the best though)
Catelyn Stark:
ANOTHER Stark?!! How many Stark's are there in this thing?!! Stansa's whole family, clearly.
Is there a Tony Stark? Bahaha. (Iron Man joke)
No, but in all seriousness. You are either the sister or the mother of Stansa.
And you are still alive. Probably.
Robb Stark:
Hmmmmmmm okay. Another one. Brother or father.
End of speech.
DOA. Dunno.
Ned Stark:
SERIOUSLY?!!! I went to Wikipedia and found all the 'Starring Roles', that's how I got this list together. How are there so many Starks in 'Starring Roles', they should have renamed the show "The Starks, also featuring some other people".
Are the Starks quite important?!
Honestly I've only ever heard of Stansa. Maybe that's because I googled the actress.
I just don't know anymore.
Is Ned the uncle or the grandfather or the littlest brother?
Are you alive?
There are too many Starks on this show.
Robert Baratheon:
Robert is a normal name. Seems like a normal sort of guy.
Sorry I don't know anything else about you, Rob.
Hopefully you're a good person and therefore still alive.
Viserys Targaryen:
Oooh you're a relation of *scrolls up to find her name*
Daenerys!
Are you her sister or brother or father? I read somewhere her father was dead. I'm going to say NOT her father then.
Could be a girl or a guy's name.
I'm going to say you're still alive, I just have a feeling.
And you're probably a guy. But you could also very well be a girl.
HOW DID I DO?!?!!?
Was I kind of right most of the time or was I WAY off?
Either way I had fun.
Left it to the very last day of the month to write this blog entry.
Hope it has brought some enjoyment to at least a few people.
Thanks for reading and I'll see you next month!
