2015 In Full Swing

Greetings dear Blog readers!


How are you all doing?!

Good I hope!


Did you know this will be my FIFTH year of blogging as 'The Girl That Eats All The Chips"???
That's pretty nuts.

I'm mostly just impressed that I'm still doing it after this long.

Usually I get bored of stuff and move on to the next thing, ya know?


So yes. It's pretty much a miracle I'm still here hahaha.


Anyway.


WELCOME TO 2015!!!!! (please pronounce it as: twenty-fifteen. Ain't no one got time for two-thou-sand-and-fif-teen)

It's gonna be a CRACKER OF A YEAR.

I'm just gonna tell you that now.


Many things are happening, namely, I am getting maarrriiieeeeddddd WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!


I actually never thought I'd get married, so again, this is pretty much a miracle.


Hmm what else, what else.



I've moved into my home for hopefully a few/many years.

I may have mentioned this to you already but I have moved every year since I've lived in Dunedin, I even moved twice in one year once.

I'm REALLY looking forward to not moving for a while.


I don't really know what else to write so I'm going to just chuck a whole bunch of pictures at you.

HERE GOES.

These are the flowers Lyndon got me for my birthday.

I cried when I got them because I'd always wanted flowers for my birthday and thought I didn't get any, then in the afternoon when I got back to Lyndon's place, he had organised for these flowers to be delivered. <3 <3 <3 Naaaawwww.

Lyndon and I went bowling with our friend Eli and some of his other friends.

Eli figured out how to change people's names so he did this.

It means: Snapping Necks, Cashing Cheques.

Please note that Eli does not know how to spell 'Neck'.

This is the canvas I got Lyndon for Christmas.

It has one of my favourite photos of us on it.

I think the photo is really deep and full of emotion and meaning.

Its also cute.

Thanks Laura Downey!!!

Because Lyndon and I refrain from doing certain things because we are waiting for marriage, we spend a lot of time watching TV shows.

One of our latest and favourites is Parks and Recreation.

We've watched all the way up to the brand new season (7).

We also just recently finished two seasons of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Lyndon's sister's cat MacGuyver (don't know how to spell it) went through a phase of visiting us at Lyndon's place almost every night.

I managed to snap this picture of the two of them.

SO CUTE!

We let him hang out with us for a bit until he was ready to go out adventuring again.

He stopped coming round this year.

I've been gyming it up since the start of December.

I mostly run on the ol' treadmill.

I'm not doing it to fit into my dress, I'm doing it so I feel healthy and so 

I can run off tension.

Cooking in 2015 is a lot different than last year.

Lyndon and I are trying different things and moving out of our culinary comfort-zone.

So far so good!

This is a picture of home-made pizza dough (my family's recipe)

Lyndon's become very tan this summer.

His mother bought him this hat so he wouldn't get sunburnt.

He looks adorable in it. <3

Lyndon bought me a harmonica for my birthday so I try to jam out on it while also on the guitar whenever I can.

I'm only slightly better now than when I first started.

One other thing I wanted to touch on: New Years Resolutions for 2015.

Now, I never make resolutions because I think its kinda silly to only plan on making changes at one time of the year. Why can't you do it anytime you want?

So I obviously didn't make any resolutions, but I am making some now. On the 29th of January, hahaha.

I've decided to try my very best to not get hurt and offended by what people do to me.

Last year was rough, in the way that I was choosing who to invite to my wedding and realising that old friends weren't really friends at all anymore.

It's hard to realise this stuff. It takes some getting used to.

But the part I am learning to understand now is that it's actually fine.

You can survive without having every single person you've ever had a close relationship with in your life.



Last night I was reading my old journal from 2012.

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

It was hard to read.

I was in such a bad place emotionally, mentally.

I was all over the place.

I had that really screwed up thing with that guy and it was just so so messy.

I met Lyndon that year and we had our first hang out, and I never even mentioned it.

That guy I had the weird thing with is no longer my friend.

I spent so much time venting to the journal about how I couldn't live without him and how I had to somehow let him go etc etc etc.

And I did.

And look! I'm so much better off now!

Sometimes you just have to let things happen.



I wonder... maybe I shouldn't be so candid to this blog, but why not?

For fear of embarrassing people? Or myself?

Life's too short.

I'd rather just be honest.

I've always prized honesty above most other things.

Some of my biggest rows with Lyndon have been over him not being honest with me.

So please, if you feel that you should tell me something ever, just do it.

And I'll do the same.


No point beating around the bush, being straight-up is a lot better in the long run.


I am learning to be a more gracious person, it's going to take some time.
I'm definitely not perfect.

I hope you will continue to read this blog even though it may not be the smartest or funniest thing you will read today.

And if you enjoy it, you should tell me.

Hopefully you will feel a little closer to me by reading it, and that's cool. :)



I'll leave it there for now.


I'll write again in February.

If you haven't done so in awhile, please feel free to check out my wedding blog:
http://mis4marriage.blogspot.co.nz/

And you can always listen to me sing some of the songs I've written on my Bandcamp page here:
http://martinette.bandcamp.com/





Thanks so much for reading!


Have a fabulous day x

Disappointment Part 2.

Hello Blog.



This may be my most negative blog post ever.

I am livid.


For awhile now I have felt like certain friends and I have a really weird, disjointed relationship.

I try not to pay too much attention to it.

No one talks about.



But I'm really fed up now, and I have to vent.



Last week I wrote into a Q&A panel at my church.

I asked how to deal with people in your life, especially Christians, disappointing you.
Acting like you don't matter.
Disrespecting you.
Ignoring you.
Forgetting you.


I don't remember everything that was said in response.



The panel did say it was a very good question.





The truth is, I constantly feel disappointed by people.

Our woman's pastor said that we shouldn't have too high expectations of people.

But I really don't have ones that are that high.


For example, it was my birthday a week ago, and all I expected was for my friends to send me a simple "Happy birthday". Surely that isn't asking too much??????

But it was.

Some people can't be bothered doing that.

So be it.




But the part that is worse for me, is when people don't care enough to include you in their important life events, or to attend your important life events.


When certain "friends" didn't come to my engagement party, a bitter seed was planted inside me.

It showed me that they clearly didn't care enough.

In some instances, I decided to cut these "friends" from the list of those who were invited to the wedding.

I'm twenty four now. I can't be bothered with people who don't care about me.

Caring is showing up to important life events.




I am sick and tired of making an effort for people who don't make an effort in return.



I feel like I am CONTINUALLY making an effort with almost all of my friends, basically begging them to catch up with me. They rarely ask ME if I want to catch up.

Why can't someone offer every once in awhile? It makes me very sad and feel like they don't actually care.



I'm sure you're seeing a pattern.



I found it really hard when my good friends Joella, Xanda and Katie all moved away.

They are the genuine kind of friends I don't have these disappointment issues with.

I never wonder where I stand with them. I know they care. They make this known to me.



Other people just don't treat me like I am actually valuable to them.


When they don't invite me to their birthday parties, or graduation dinners, or offer to hang out with me on my birthday when I'm all alone and sad and crying.

I don't have it all together.

I need people around me.

I am very sensitive and emotional and I really invest everything I have into my friendships and I just feel like people don't do the same for me.


I feel like I am taken for granted.



I feel soooooo lucky and blessed, almost to the point of crying, that I have Lyndon.

He is my best friend, and sometimes (most of the time) it feels like he is all I have.

It feels like he is the only one that cares.



I know this isn't the truth, but I continually feel this way.


If I didn't have him, I would be all alone. :-(



I have tried to stop myself feeling like this, and making more of an effort with friends, but nothing has changed.

So I have tried to stop caring, and just invest into Lyndon.




But I don't want to continue on this way.

I want the people in my life to know how I feel.

Mostly I feel really really sad.


I want to create stronger friendships with people but I just don't know how.

I don't know what to do to get myself invited to graduations and birthday parties.

I don't know how to make people like me enough to want to hang out with me.

I just don't know.



For now, I am going to take a break from social media.

When I'm on there I just see how much fun all my friends are having without me.

How they have fun events with other people and that I am not invited to.

It makes me feel very disappointed.



I don't know if anyone will read this, but if they do, know that I am only writing this because I care.



I care too much.



I miss my friends.




I love them, and I just want them to love me too.
Enough to include me in their lives.





I feel like a stranger.




I know I am super super lucky to have Lyndon.

It's sad when you feel like you have nothing without your boyfriend/fiance/husband, it's not supposed to be like that.


Please don't comment and say we should hang out unless you REALLY mean it.

So many people come of as phony.




I just want you to be real with me.

How To Get Over Someone

I felt it was time to write a blog post again.

I actually decided I would write about this topic awhile back, as I had a friend who was struggling with getting over a girl.

I know most people would have tips on how to get over someone (and don't say "get under someone else" because that's not what I mean!), but the tips I have actually worked REALLY WELL for me.

I thought it was my duty to share these with you.


I don't claim to know everything, but I do know a little about what it's like when you love someone and they don't love you back.





So some context:



A few years back, I met a guy.


I thought he was perfect for me.


We became friends.


We spent a lot of time together.


I thought that even though he said he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with me, he would change his mind.


He didn't.


He lead me on.


I kissed him and he kissed me back.



He made me feel like we were a couple.



We weren't.



Eventually I couldn't take it anymore.



I wanted more, and he didn't want to give that to me.



We said we loved each other but I was IN LOVE with him.



He probably knew it.




I don't class this guy as an ex-boyfriend.
Because we were never a couple (he made sure of that)
But the feelings I had for him were stronger than those I had for previous boyfriends.

He was, in my own words, a "pretend boyfriend".

Before Lyndon I actually had a total of three pretend boyfriends, and Lyndon was actually my fourth pretend boyfriend until he turned into a real one.


You can already see how messed up this was.



It left me feeling worthless.

Like I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend.

And like he was just using me to gratify himself.




When I told my friend and esteemed relationship expert Keron about my situation, he was horrified.


He told me to end it immediately.

I told him I couldn't.
I needed this guy in my life.
He was everything.


Keron told me that I had to end it.


I continually refused.


He said if I didn't, the pain would only get worse.


Eventually, and I don't really know how, Keron convinced me to end things.
He had a list of rules for me, which are what my tips that I will be sharing with you today are based on.












1. Do not call, text, email, Facebook message or nothing. 

This probably seems obvious, but you have to continually remind yourself of this when you're going through a break-up. The "or nothing" refers to Facebook stalking, trawling their Instagram, leaving comments you know they will see and potentially respond to, etc.




2. Avoid them at all costs. 

You are essentially on an "EX BAN". I know that might sound harsh but it's WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO GET OVER THEM! Out of sight, out of mind. I cannot tell you how helpful this was for me. Keron put me on a ban for six months. He said that if we'd been more involved (like, sexually or whatever) it would have been A YEAR! But thankfully we'd only kissed a few times so he thought six months would suffice. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere I knew this guy would be.




3. Do not talk about them. 

Or in my case, write songs about them. Before I broke up with this guy I deliberately wrote a song called "The Last Song", which I told ALMOST EVERYONE was the last song I would ever write about him. I knew if I didn't do this I would keep wallowing in my misery and writing a billion songs about how awful he was to me. It was also extremely hard but during my six month ban I worked really hard to never say anything about the guy. I was prone to tearing him down behind his back to our friends and I really didn't want to do that anymore.




4. Have accountability people.

Because this guy and I had different friend groups, I had a range of people I told about my break-up and asked them to keep me accountable. If they saw me talking to him or hanging around in places where he would normally be, they would have to take me aside and ask me what I was doing. I knew that if I didn't share the news of the break-up with certain people I could easily sneak around and see this guy without my other friends finding out. I didn't want this to happen.
Funnily enough, Lyndon was one of these accountability friends, as he and I were quite close when I was going through this break-up. Yup. He was there through it, the poor dear.







5. Don't count down the days.

The last thing you want to be doing when you're on a ban is count down how much time you have left until you can see and talk to the person you are banned from seeing. When I first broke up with the guy, I checked off each day as I went, but after a few months, it didn't matter to me anymore and I stopped. It actually blows my mind how obsessed I was with this guy and makes me feel soooo grateful that Keron helped me the way he did.







6. Get on with your life.

There is a good reason you have ended the relationship, so realise that its for the best and move on.
Life is still worth living. You don't need to wallow in the pain. It's not worth it. It probably does make for good songwriting, but you need to give that up eventually too. I probably could've written a whole album during the six months I was banned from seeing that guy, but Keron told me it wasn't worth it.







The last thing I'll say is, even though you get an idea of how deep I was into the relationship, it was a lot worse than I can even describe.

Ending my relationship with him, effectively CUTTING HIM OUT OF MY LIFE, was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

And it sucked.

A lot.

When I accidentally ran into him on the street, I had a meltdown. I cried and cried and even went out and bought alcohol.
I was really messed up.


But I got better.


And I got over it.


And by the end of the six months, I didn't care that the ban was over.


I didn't need him in my life anymore, nor did I want him in it.





That was probably the most satisfying feeling.


Knowing that I didn't need him.



If you are going through a break up, I know how much it sucks. But you can get through it, and you'll feel SO MUCH BETTER once you're on the other side.

Be strong.






I hope this has helped x















p.s- Don't forget to check out my album, most songs are written about the guy written about in this blog
https://martinette.bandcamp.com/album/sweeping-statements