Honours Year : Complete.

Hello Blog,

So today I handed in my dissertation. It was scary, I spent most of the morning beforehand pacing around my room and feeling nervous. Its the same feeling you get before you write an exam, well, that's how I feel before I write exams. I'm not sure if anybody else does...

ANYWAY!

So I'm finished now. It's a pretty weird feeling, I don't think it has fully sunken in yet.. Sunken in.. is that even grammatically correct? I'm at Chloe's flat right now watching Taken with Emil, Joe and Chloe so if I spell something wrong or write badly structured sentences its because I'm distracted.

This movie is AWESOME! Emil hasn't seen it so that's why I am watching it for the 6th time. SO MUCH GOODNESS!

Back to what I wanted to say though.

Honours has been such an incredible journey.

In my 'Acknowledgement' section of my dissertation I didn't get a chance to name all the people who have made this year bearable/fun/everything that it has been.

I would like to thank Jono Guy for all his encouragement, for phoning me and answering all my questions and just checking that I was handling everything OK.

Thanks Lizzie for always being enthusiastic and full of compliments. Thank you Chloe, Joe Chambers, Tim, Joel Hoo, Karam, Matt A, Matt W, Ryan, Chris and Emil for hanging out with me and making me remember that there is a life outside of Honours.

My Life Group - thank you for always being there for me, I love you guys heaps and will always cherish my memories with you. It has been such a fun few years doing life with you all.

All the encouraging church people like Huei, Johnny, Keron, Kim, etc. etc. there are so many people I want to thank, I can't even think to name them all!!!!!!

I love my Elim family so much, you guys are awesome and I can't even imagine leaving, but I know I will probably have to one day. :'(

To my flatmates, Joella and Katie, thanks for making the flat so calm and stress free! It has been AH-MAY-ZING. Thanks for understanding why I'd lock myself away in my room for hours on end in order to work on my dissertation. Also, thanks for all the fun Tim Tam slam times and making me come down and have hot drinks with you.

Thanks to Samantha and Jason for the lunch dates and Briar and Jonny for our weekly Iced Chocolate hangouts. I always looked forward to it and in the midst of the craziest semester of my life I feel like it really helped to keep me sane.

Thanks to my class mates, especially Tom, Lydia and Patty from semester one's 'Classical Hollywood Cinema' paper. Even though it was hard, I had a lot of fun. You guys are hilarious.

Big thank you to Joel Bartlett for taking over the Creative Media team when I realised I couldn't do it anymore, you really stepped up and I respect you for that man! You've always been someone I can rely on and it means a lot.

Thanks Cam Mackenzie for the phone calls. We are overdue for another one so you should probably call me again sometime.. just saying...

I'd also like to thank all the South Life peeps, I feel like you have accepted me into your wee group and its been nice to hang out with you all this year. You guys are nuts, but its a good kind of nuts. I thoroughly enjoyed all those times we played Mafia, and I will always remember Sam C's random outburst of: "I'M THE DETECTIVE!!!!" 

Right. I think that's basically everyone.

I apologize if I have forgotten anyone, I'm sure you know if you have made a positive impact in my life this year so please don't be hurt if I didn't name you specifically. :)

Oh, and obviously, the biggest thank you EVER goes to Jesus, He has helped me this year more than I can even say. I AM SO GRATEFUL!!!! I am really learning more and more to just trust Him in everything I do, it makes life so much easier not worrying about every little thing.

So now that all my thankyou's are out of the way, I would like to share some of the things I have learnt in my time of doing Honours, and actually my film degree in general.

• In order to do Honours, you NEED TO BE SELF MOTIVATED. You have to be able to tell yourself "No, I can't go watch a funny Ben Stiller movie right now, I have to go home and work on my dissertation". If you can't do that, you're going to have a bad time.

• Make the most of the time you have with your supervisor. For the first few meetings I tried to cut out all the chit chat and just go straight for the things I wanted answers to... but later on when I was more sorted I allowed myself to talk about things like my excessive nosebleeds. That's another thing, go into your supervisor meetings with things you want their help with. This will really help you to make the most of your time with them. :)

• Its probably the best idea to do your extra papers in the first semester which leaves your second semester practically completely open to just work on your dissertation. I did it this way. Yes, I did have the craziest most stressful few months of my life back in semester one, but this second semester has in turn been the cruisiest semester. SO MUCH TIME TO WORK ON THE DISSERTATION!!! It has been great. I'm glad I did it that way, even though there was a lot of stress and panic and guilt to overcome back in April/May/June.

• As long as you work hard, there is not reason why you cannot finish your dissertation early like I did. Its seriously all about just putting enough time in and being motivated to finish before you need to. JUST KEEP WORKING HARD, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

Today I came to Chloe's flat and sent the dissertation in via email. IT FREAKED ME OUT!

THEN CHLOE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS AWESOME SURPRISE SHE PLANNED WHICH MEANS I WILL GET TO RECORD SOME OF MY SONGS THIS SUMMER!!!!!

RAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!!! SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!

It is literally the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me so a HUGE HUGE HUGE MASSSIIIIVVVEEE thank you to everyone who is involved with this. I don't even know what to say. I am so blessed and grateful and just STOKED to have so many awesome friends!!!! EEEEEEE!!!!!!!

So yes. This is the end of my blog.

I am officially finished for the year. No exams. So if anyone reading this wants to hang out, just let me know. Or if you want me to proof read anything :D

OOOH AMBER WATSON IS HERE!

Emil bought me a creme soda before to celebrate. MMMM CREME SODA!!!!!

Tastes like your dreams coming true.

OK I HAVE TO STOP WRITING NOW!

Thanks for reading this blog, I really appreciate my blog readers. It makes me feel special.

Take it easy, keep the party alive!

x

Sheba 1999 - 2012

This morning I woke up and checked my phone like I always do. I had a text message. It was from my Dad. It said that yesterday they had put Sheba down.

Sheba.
My dog.

We had gotten Sheba back in 1999 I think it was, or maybe it was 2000. She was just a little puppy. She had been at the vets waiting for someone to take her, somehow my brother had found out about her and my parents decided that we would add her to our family. The people at the vets had called her Marmite (because she's black) but we thought Sheba fitted her better.

My older brother and I decided to share her, 50/50, which meant that we would both be responsible for looking after her.


She was the cutest little thing. Black with white bits around her face and down her belly.
She loved running around and was always full of energy. I was inlove with her instantly. I remember her chasing me around and tearing my skirt. No big deal. :-P
At one point my little brother smashed the glass in the front door and she jumped through it to get outside. She got all cut up and ever since then she wasn't able to jump up on things, like the back of the ute, so we'd have to lift her up onto it.


She was quite aggressive towards the other dogs at times, so they would jump up onto the back of the ute so she couldn't get them. She barked a lot. Like, a lot. She loved barking at things and tearing things up.
She devoured a number of gumboots over the last twelve years. She also loved sticks. She also broke off all her teeth because she would bite the quad bike tyres... while it was moving... I think the quad bike taunted her because she HATED that thing. She would bark and bark and bark and just go completely crazy. As soon as you started the engine, BOOM! Sheba was going off her nut at it.

I can't deny that Sheba had a lot of heart though. She loved running. Even when she got really old and her joints got all stiff, she still wanted to go out on the farm and run around. She and my Mum spent a lot of time together. Some of my best memories of her were from when we would be out on the farm together. She was so full of life all the time. It didn't feel like anything could ever stop her. When she couldn't keep up with the quad bike anymore, my Mum would put her on her lap as she drove the quad bike. I loved sitting on the back of the quad as my Mum drove along and holding on to her. She would try to get lose and jump down but I would just hold her tight. She wanted to do more than her body would let her.
She taught me what it was to enjoy life and live it to the full.
I didn't think anything would ever be able to stop her.

Sheba was my dog. I understood her. I knew what it was like to have people misunderstand you. People would tell me that she was annoying because she barked all the time and picked on the other dogs, when she got older certain people even told me that we should just shoot her. I would become very frustrated and defensive. Sometimes I would get angry and tell them to shut up, other times I would just start crying.

Sheba was MY dog and you can't talk about her that way. Yes, she barked a lot and picked on the other dogs, but it was only because that was her personality. The other dogs didn't really care, she was an angry female, its nothing out of the ordinary. Sheba was a good dog, and when it came down to it, she was always loyal and there when you needed her.

Even when she was old, she was still a fighter. One time the younger dogs were trying to kill a possum but couldn't do it, Sheba hobbled over all stiff and just bit it in the neck. Boom, its dead. Sheba was the boss. Always.
I saw her kill many rats that lived in the fields, it was impressive.

I can't believe she's gone.
I think I'm still in denial.
I have been waiting for this happen for a year now, but its still hard.
I loved that dog, I spent the better part of ten years with her. I always had her back and she'd always have mine.

I should have been there to say goodbye to her.

I didn't see her the day I left for Dunedin back in February, I spent most of the previous day with her, trying to say goodbye. I didn't want to see her on the day I left and then fall apart. My dad told me he was going to put her down. He'd been saying that for months. 

I've cried a lot over Sheba, I have been grieving her death even before she died. I am probably better equipped to deal with it now because of that. I have probably cried over her enough this past year to fill up a couple of jars.

I have cried A LOT! So her passing away shouldn't come as a surprise to the people who knew about her. I have been waiting for this to happen this whole year.

It still sucks though.

And I don't even know how to handle it.

I feel like I'm still in denial about it. It'll only sink in once I go back to the farm and she's not there.

I know some people don't understand how I can love dogs so much, but hopefully if you feel that way, this blog has helped.

This sucks.

I am sorry I wasn't there for her.

I should have been there to say goodbye and dig her grave like I did for Brutus.

Mum says she buried her near the place we buried Brutus. She's going to put a fence around it and plant some trees there. That'll be nice.

I will miss Sheba. She was my best friend.

I hope she knew how much I loved her.

The Friend Ship, Friendship Plant, and Other Metaphors

I can’t write funny blogs all the time.

I’m SORRY!!!!

This is probably not going to be funny. But maybe you will find some humour in it... somehow...

So today’s blog entry, which is about two months too late I am sad to say, (I was managing one blog entry a month until I ruined it by missing out August. Grrr), IS ABOUT something I have been quite obsessed with for the better part of the last two years.

Friendships.

They come and go, like a literal friend-ship. A ship full of friends. Sometimes there are a lot of people on the friend ship, other times there aren’t so many. It probably depends on you.

But the fact of the matter is, you cannot maintain every friendship you’ve ever created. It just isn’t possible.

I have lost many of my friendships with people from my hometown and school. If you are reading this and you were one of these people, this shouldn’t really come as a surprise to you.... I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. It is sad. I used to feel really cut about it. I mean, sure, we might still be Facebook friends, which is cool and I am in no way going to remove you as I still want to know what you are up to/how you are doing/if you have gotten married recently, but I wouldn’t exactly ask you to give me your kidney or anything. Maybe I would if I really needed it...  And I probably wouldn’t ask you to drive me to the airport.

The way I differentiate between acquaintances and friends, and I am being 100% serious about this, is whether you would ask said person to drive you to the airport.

Because a friend would take you, granted they have a vehicle of some description. I’m not going to go ask some person I only met on the weekend to drive me to the airport. WHAT THE HECK?! If they said yes that’d be AWESOME but I’d also be very surprised and maybe a little weirded out by it, in the best way possible of course.

I’m not driving people I never talk to all the way to the airport... that’d be awkward as...

But anyway. I used to feel SO BAD about losing friendships with people. I would blame myself. Like it was all my fault that they never wanted to talk to me anymore. It is partly my fault, I’m sure, as friendship is a two-way street. When one person stops trying that friendship is pretty much doomed.

You can only hold on to a friendship that is one-sided for so long.

I heard somewhere that people can only have a certain amount of friends at a time, like a hundred or something (the awkward moment when I have 700 Facebook friends).

I’M NOT DELETING MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS! It’s not a number thing, I know every single person who I’m friends with on that thing, and I just don’t want to ever delete anyone unless they are psychotic and want to kill me. That is the only time I will remove someone as a friend. If they want to remove me, that’s totally up to them, but I won’t do it.

I like knowing what people are up to. Call me a stalker if you want. It’s not as if I don’t know these people, because I do. And I want to know how they are doing/what they currently look like/where they are in the world etc. I’m sorry if this makes me a creep but that’s just how it is.

I don’t do the “Facebook Culling” that some people do.

I did it after high school... I was in a weird place in my life though, and that was a onetime thing!

I think I’m going off on a tangent.

Are you judging me right now? It’s ok if you are.. I know I might sound a bit crazzzyyyy, I’ve been writing my dissertation for most of the day. It is likely that I have lost the plot.

Anyway so friendships, yes, they are delicate wee things.

I would compare friendships to a plant, and you need to water it and fertilise it, talk to it, maybe even sing to it??? If you don’t do one or all of these things at least ONCE in a while, yo plant is gon’ die y’all.

Sometimes the plant doesn’t die because it is RESILIENT, but this is quite rare I think, and it has to be a special kind of friendship for your plant to become like this.

I do not have resilient plants. If I don’t talk to someone for over a certain amount of months/years/decades, my plant shrivels up and dies. I figure, that person doesn’t want to be my friend anymore *cry*

I used to get really upset, but I am learning to just take it in my stride now.

Sometimes you think your friendship is over and then the person CONTACTS YOU OUT OF THE BLUE AND WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU ARE!!!!!

This is AWESOME, but it hasn’t happened to me very often.

It happened today though.

It warmed my wee heart. Knowing that someone you thought had killed your friendship plant was starting to water and fertilise it again. Naaaaw <3. Bless.

On a total side note, I am a metaphor-fiend aren’t I?

I give things metaphors AAAAAALLLLL the time.

I also like strreeeeetttcchhhiiinnnggggg my words out for effect.

Yeah.

I also like short sentences and full stops.

I TOLD YOU I’D LOST IT!

I LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS!

I’m going to stop writing now.

I hope this has been entertaining and/or enlightening and/or heart-warming and/or mildly-amusing for you.

I might play Plants vs. Zombies now instead of doing my dissertation.

I only have a month left before I am TOTALLY DONE FOR THE YEAR!

See you later, blog readers. You are an inspiration to me. I will write again in October. Maybe...

X