I Once Was A Sassy Pants

I don't know what it is about August, but I always find it REALLY hard to motivate myself to blog.

But I am MAKING MYSELF do it now.

Phew. It's good.

It's good for me to write.

I have been thinking about topics I could potentially write about for the last few weeks, and I finally decided to talk a little about my childhood/growing up.

I have a pretty good memory, but a lot of my childhood isn't that clear in my mind anymore.

One thing I do know, I was a sassy pants.

The dictionary definition of sassy is:

lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky

As well as:

having or showing a rude lack of respect

Now, I am sorry to say, my sassy-ness was more like the second definition than the first.

I actually don't know how or why I became like this, I guess as an adult I can look back at it and maybe attribute it to Middle Child Syndrome. 

But I don't know.

I wasn't a very nice child/adolescent, even ask my cousin Emil.

He LOVES to tell the story about how I banned him and my other cousins from coming to my birthday party, but I think they came anyway.

Hahahaha.

I am a little worried that my kids might turn out like I did.

How do you stop your kids from being ruthless little hooligans?

I guess it has a lot to do with your upbringing.

I grew up in a household where I felt ignored (classic middle child)

Even though I probably wasn't really ignored that much, I FELT IT.

And I suppose my way of dealing with this was to try and control the people around me.

My family have told me, I was a little b****.

But I don't remember it.

When I try to think back to when I was young, I can see how I was demanding of my parents and wanted respect from everyone.

I wanted to be heard.

This would manifest in being rude and brash with people.

I wish I could go back and sit my child-version of myself down and talk through whatever issues I was facing.

I was confident, but also insecure.

Loud and bossy, but dealing with feelings of inadequacy.

I was rebellious and counter-cultural while also being a child-version of a popular mean girl.

It doesn't actually make any sense to me.

I think maybe, even like today, I was trying to be funny but it just came across as mean.

And my attempts at exploring my leadership capabilities turned into me bossing people around, belittling them, making them feel like they weren't allowed to defy me.

I am sorry for the way I was when I was younger.

It is hard to accept that I was like that.

I don't remember it. It's like it was wiped from my mind.

I don't think I was ever a bully. I never went out of my way to make anyone's life miserable, I think I was just misguided in how I treated my friends and classmates.

I didn't know how to express myself or voice my opinions without it coming out negatively.

For anyone reading this who knew me when I was an adolescent, I am very sorry for the way Young Martinette treated you.

I'm sure if I met her now I would be horrified and tell her to grow up and get a grip.

And then I'd speak to my parents (her parents) and tell them to talk to her about her behaviour.

Something did change though, eventually.

My thinking altered.

I believe it was Jesus. He helped me renew my mind and I saw things differently.

I forgot how mean I was and tried really hard to be different.

To be kind and caring and understanding.

That's the person I was when I left high school and moved to University.

The friends I made as an adult would, hopefully, say this is the Martinette they all know.

Obviously I'm not perfect and I still have my sassy moments, but I recognize immediately when I am behaving in a way that is not nice.

It's usually only with my dearest Husband when we are in the middle of a tiff and I'm quick to apologise.

I think I was quick to end friendships with those who knew me as a child because I didn't want to be reminded of the person I was.

It wasn't a deliberate thing, but I think once you've hurt someone, those wounds stay with them, and you, and it's hard to move past it.

I don't really have any friends that I made when I was a sassy pants.

It's probably for the best but it is quite sad.

Sometimes people still see you as the person you were.

It took a while for my parents to see me as this new, kinder person.

For a long time, they kept treating me like I was Sassy Martinette, so I would become her, because that's how they were treating me.

I was always at my worst, my most mean and demanding, when I was with my family, even after I had "changed".

Just goes to show that your expectations of someone can influence how they behave.

If you don't expect much, they will not be able to rise above your expectations of them.

I remember that my Dad used to tell me that everyone who knew me, especially my family, thought I was a b****. (This is while I was at high school, undergoing my "change").

Pretty hard to hear but at the same time, I didn't fully accept what he was saying.

I acknowledged that yes, I used to be a mean little girl, but that wasn't the case now.

It took a while for him to stop saying it.

Family stuff is hard, especially when personality changes are happening.

It's too easy to see people the way they have always been, rather than the person they are now.

With God's help, I hope to keep growing and maturing and becoming a more forgiving and kind person.

It isn't always easy.

Even in the last 12 months I have made decisions that now I look back on and think "Wow. That was not very good. I need to do that differently next time".

I hope I can raise my own kids to be the kind of children that I wasn't.

Kind, patient, forgiving, always thinking of others, accepting and loving.

I guess that's up to Lyndon and me though.

Thanks for reading! 

I hope I have given you something to think about / you've gotten something positive out of this blog post.

:-)

Confessions of a Newlywed

Today marks two years that Lyndon and I have been together!

I hope people aren't getting sick of me writing about weddings/marriages.

I was trying to think of something to write about earlier (my goal is to write AT LEAST once a month, but it's hard!) and all I could really think of writing about is what I know.

And what I know is what I'm going through at the moment.

And as you probably know, I am a newlywed.

Its funny because I get asked all the time how married life is.

You know how when you see someone you know, and you say hi to them and ask about something you know if happening in their life?

Well it feels like EVERYONE wants to know how married life is.

Which is cool!

And I love answering.

My favourite answer is: "Better than unmarried life!" And then I laugh, and usually the person I said it to laughs as well.

But the truth is, it IS a lot better than unmarried life.

Girlfriends of mine who are married or engaged totally agree with me, being engaged is not that great.

Being married is AWESOME!

When you are engaged as a Christian couple, there are lot of things you "can't do".

I put that in speech marks because obviously, you CAN DO them if you choose, but it's not the best idea.

Lyndon and I didn't live together before we were married, and if you refer to my most popular blog post ever: http://girlthateatschips.blogspot.co.nz/2015/03/why-i-waited-til-my-wedding-day.html, we didn't have naked fun times either. 

So getting married was a big step for us and made a lot of things acceptable.

We could sleep in the same bed.

 We could go away on trips together, just the two of us. 

We could live in our own house.

We could choose just to hang out by ourselves, together.

So as you can see, marriage is great and a lot better than just dating or being engaged.

There is more to it than that though.

Here are some things people have asked me and I thought it might be good to share with you:

How do I deal with sharing my space for the first time ever?

This one actually wasn't that hard to adjust to, even though I've never had to share a room ever in my life (my brothers had to but not me, thank goodness). 

I think when you love someone enough, you don't mind them being in your space.

Lyndon is the first person in my life that I don't mind being with all the time, that's how I knew he was 'the one'.

Sharing a bed was a little hard at first (I've never been good at sharing beds with anyone) but I soon grew accustomed to it and now I need Lyndon in the bed with me before I fall asleep or I get too cold. Funny how things change, huh?

Also, Lyndon and I found it helpful once we got back from Honeymoon to completely rearrange our new bedroom with equal amounts of both of our stuff. That way it didn't feel like one of us was moving in to the other persons space. It was OUR space now. :-)

Because you never lived together, have you been shocked by some of your husband's habits you didn't know about?

Actually no. There are no habits Lyndon has had while we've been married that he didn't have while we were dating/engaged.

People warned me that once I was married, Lyndon would bring out all these disgusting habits I didn't know about, but it didn't happen!

I am happy to say that I knew, almost 100%, the kind of person Lyndon was before we said "I do", and I have not been surprised by any behaviour of his post-wedding.

You don't have to live with someone to know who they are completely, you just have to spend enough time together and promote an environment of complete honesty.

I don't believe in the saying "Try before you buy" when it comes to couples living and sleeping together before marriage, it just isn't true. And you don't have to.

Do you fight more now that you live together?

I don't think so. Lyndon and I don't really fight much to begin with, we never really have. 

I get pissed off and have a go at him, he apologises and then we move on.

That's usually how it goes, and that hasn't changed at all since we've gotten married.

You know when you watch tv/movies and there's a couple and they are screaming at each other, throwing plates, kicking and screaming and punching walls? We've never had a fight like that.

I'm not into getting physical when I'm angry, and Lyndon is much too patient to retaliate. I wonder if we'll ever fight like that? Probably not.

When are you having kids?

Hahaha I love this question. Not for a few more years if we can help it :-)

No honeymoon baby for us! (sorry)

Are you sad your wedding is over?

Honestly no. I'm glad. Very very glad.

As I have explained in past blog entries, my wedding was a wonderful event, but also too much pressure to be able to fully enjoy, so I don't wish to ever repeat it. :-)

I look forward to sharing in the weddings of all our friends now, its much nicer being a guest at a wedding than the couple getting married! 

Now that you're married you don't need to see your friends as much, do you?

This is a myth! I hope my friends read this. Because for me, it just isn't true.

Yes, Lyndon is my best friend and I love that I get to see him everyday, but I also miss my other friends too. Especially my girlfriends. I like seeing them and talking with them about girly things that Lyndon doesn't have much interest in (and fair enough!)

It has been almost four months of marriage and I am trying really hard to balance my marriage, job, church, family and friends. (No room for exercise in there, sorry not sorry!) Hahaha.

I have gone down to part time hours at work because I wasn't coping and was just running on empty.

Things are better now.

But I want my friends to know this, and I really hope they read it:

You are still my friends and I want to be an active part in your lives.

Lyndon isn't the only person who matters.

Please keep me in the loop.

Let's hang out and have lunch or coffee or watch a movie or whatever.

I will make time for you.

:-)

I know that there are people out there who may have experienced people in their life who get married and then don't have much time for them anymore, and that's totally up to them and I'm not judging them in the slightest, but that's just not me.

I need my friends. Lyndon can't fill all the places in my heart where they all live.

He definitely has his place, and it's probably bigger than anyone else's, but that doesn't negate the fact that there ARE other places.

But anyway, I think I have rambled enough.

I hope I have made some sense and you have gotten something positive out of this.

It sure does make me feel better to write.

Hope you are all doing well and see you next month!

Thanks again for reading.

x

Post-Chicken Pox: Recovery.

This is my first time blogging on mine and Lyndon's new laptop.

Our old one (which was my University one) was six years old and had finally given up.

Typing on this one is quite different and is going to take some getting used to.



I won't say much here,

Only that I've been back in Dunedin for almost two months now and it is really nice to be back.



I did really miss it.

Mostly I missed Lyndon, obviously.


I have gotten some flack from people, telling me I shouldn't have left and gone back to my parents house, that Lyndon should have taken care of me.


I don't agree though.


I honestly think if I had stayed in Dunedin, I could have gotten very very, life-threateningly sick.



It is hard because I still feel sickly a lot of the time, I got a blood test which showed I'm severely iron deficient. I have been taking a supplement for this but haven't noticed much change yet.



I'm still covered in chicken pox scars.



A week after I returned to Dunedin, I was struck down with a cold which had me out of action for another week.


I think I'm finally okay again now though.




I don't think my friends realised how serious my chicken pox were. I actually thought I was going to die.



I hope I never get that sick again, it was really really difficult, and makes me realise how bad some people have it.


Please Lord, don't let me get chicken pox for a third time!!!!!




There are still a heap of people I still want to catch up with since returning, and I'm slowly trying to organise this.



I think I am on the road to being fully recovered.

Thank you so much to all the people who prayed for me.


If you ever want advice on dealing with chicken pox, I'm your girl!




x