Overcoming Our Errors: An Open Letter To My Dad

Hi Dad, and Mum, and maybe a handful of other people who might be reading this,

What is an open letter?

A letter that you are writing to someone specific, but also to the world.

Why?

Because yesterday when I thought about writing it, I felt scared. And that's when I knew that I definitely had to do it. (Totally makes sense, right?)

I don't even know where to begin.

I'm not going to go into specifics.

I always told myself I wouldn't ever write a blog about our family stuff, it was something I would always keep to myself.

It was like the ONE THING that I would keep to myself, I am happy to talk about anything and everything else.

But I decided that I would write this, not as a scathing list of all the wrong things you've done to me, but as a sort-of honest declaration of things children don't often tell their parents (at least my brothers and I certainly haven't).

Dad, you have often scared a lot of my friends.

If I ask most people what their first impression of you is, they will say that you terrify them.

And to be honest, I think that's awesome.

I probably shouldn't think that, but I do.

And when I hear that I also terrify people upon first meeting me, I consider it a success.

South Africans are scary people!

We tell it like it is 100%.

We don't tiptoe around the subject or try to be politically correct.

Its just, BOOM! There it is.

It can be hard to take at times, even for me.

Growing up, you were terrifying at times, but I think I prefer that to the soft-spoken, teddy-bear, never-say-a-bad-word-or-dole-out-any-kind-of-discipline approach to parenting.

Yes, I got smacked with the belt a few times, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I do appreciate that you disciplined me, but never as much as my brothers (haha sorry boys).

I got my fair share of chili powder which was also a good thing. Children should not be allowed to use filthy language. It's just not right.

Dad, I never saw the world through your perspective.

I didn't even consider the fact that you moved from your only home-country that you'd lived in your whole life and loved dearly to a completely new and scary place.

You sacrificed a lot.

More than I ever realised.

It must have been the hardest thing you'd ever done, coming to New Zealand all on your own to a strange northland town that didn't make any sense.

If it came down to it, I don't know if I'd be brave enough to do it.

I grew up in a safe and happy environment because of your sacrifice, so I'll say it here for once and for all: THANK YOU, PAPA.

We have had our disagreements (many of them), but you are not a bad person and I don't think badly of you.

I don't apologize for the letter I wrote you last year, but I DO apologize for not considering your side of the story when I aired all my grievances with you.

No one is perfect, not you nor myself, but we are made perfect in our weaknesses, by the grace of God.

Thank you for always listening when I would talk to you about my problems and for paying for everything as I was growing up.

Thank you for all the painkillers when the red visitor of doom would leave me bed-ridden, and for giving me antibiotics when the doctors in Dunedin diagnosed me wrong, AGAIN!

I am so blessed to have a doctor for a Dad, God must have known that I would need it and that's why he chose me to be your offspring.

Thank you for giving me every little thing that my heart desired as I was growing up, I realise now you probably shouldn't have done that (I'm certainly not doing it for my own children, they can deal with it) but it's done now!

I do appreciate everything. EVERYTHING!

You and Mum were not perfect parents, but you tried your very best.

No one can say you didn't.

And you spoilt us kids more than we deserved, so THANK YOU.

I could write a long list of all the things you did that disappointed me, but at the end of the day, what is the point?

The crux of the whole situation is this:

Yes, we all made mistakes in the past and treated each other worse than we should have, but it was all part of the process.

We also had a lot of good times, and in the end, we are all tied together by blood and by our love for each other and for the Lord.

You can't choose your family.

And looking back, I wouldn't change you as my Dad.

If anyone says anything bad about you, I am quick to shut them down.

You are not a Kiwi Dad, the kind of dad everyone else has, but you are my Dad.

And I'm proud to say I am your daughter.

I am sorry I don't have the same ambitions you do, I am happy to live a simple life.

But that's just what I've chosen for myself, and I hope you'll be okay with that.

I think the most important thing is that we live a life that God has called us to, always remembering to keep Him in the center.

I hope this letter finds you well, and anyone else reading this will consider their own relationships with their parents.

God bless you always and lots of love x

Daughter.

A Poem For My Guitar

My dearest Isabelle, you've come along so far,
I've taken you on planes with me and often in my car.
I was but nineteen when you were gifted to me,
The prettiest guitar that I had ever seen.

You didn't cost that much,  I'll admit it to be true,
But you were five times the price of my brother's one,  ooooh.
I learnt to play on that guitar I named Sid,
I remember the strings were so hard on my fingers and the guitar case was made of canvas and there was a pocket in the lid.

Sid was okay but I simply wanted more,
A guitar I could plug into an amp was what I longed for.
And could the strings possibly not make my hands bleed?
These were the questions I would not concede.

And then it all happened, my father said "YES!"
He'd buy me my own guitar,  at last! I'd impress.
When I played on this new guitar,  my skills, they would show.
The strings would be softer and my talent would grow.

Playing would be better,  and funner, I could see,
Sid was alright but Isabelle was The Queen.

When I took her home from Kaitaia's only music shop,
I loved her instantly and this love never stopped.

She's been down the country,  finally settling in the South,
She's played to tens,  and twentys, and even hundreds of crowds.

She is very special, if you can't already tell.
I love my guitar,  and she's done really well.

I wrote all my songs while using her charms,
We've played countless gigs,  her under my arms.

When I get this new guitar,  she won't be replaced,
It'll simply be a new addition to my musical space.

Thank you,  Isabelle, for all that you've done,
I hope I can teach my children how to pick and strum.

And then maybe when they are good enough,
I'll let them play on you,  Isabelle, but not before.  That'd be rough.
(I'll see if I can get hold of Sid for them to learn on,  my brother hasn't played him for over six years)

HAPPY SIX YEAR ANNIVERSARY MY BEAUTIFUL GUITAR!  X

The Struggle of Having Long Hair

So I've had long hair for as long as I can remember.


I think that my mum always wanted me to have long hair, or maybe it was because I told her I wanted it, I'm not entirely sure.


But I DO remember that as soon as I was able to grow hair, it grew. And grew and grew and grew.


I was telling Lyndon the other day about how up until I was about 11 or 12, my hair was reeeeeally long and my Mum had to brush it for me daily and put it in a long plait(braid) because that was the only way I could wear it that didn't result in endless tangles and knots.

When I was 11 or 12, I had to go on a school camp to Auckland and my mum wouldn't be there to tame my hair for me (I couldn't do it by myself, I didn't know how and it was just so long and hard to deal with) so I got most of it chopped off.

Honestly, my head sprung up the moment it was cut. Like there was this giant weight that was just taken away. It felt AMAZING! My head was so light and free!!!!!!!!!!

After that I kept my hair long-ish but learnt how to deal with it on my own.

It was definitely a learning experience.



I only cut it short once and that was in 2009 after I broke up my boyfriend at the time (so cliche).

I got a lot of compliments but realised I actually didn't like it that short.


Yes, it was easier to deal with, but it didn't look right.

Without the weight of the long hair weighing it all down, my hair kind of grew outwards and was really poofy and overly-voluminous.

This was not what I wanted.

So after that I decided I would never cut my hair very short ever again, but obviously a trim every 6 months or so was both necessary and good to keep the hair healthy.

Having had long hair for 20+ years, I feel that I know quite well the struggles that come along with it.


Yes, people say that your long hair is pretty a lot of the time, and say they wish they had hair as long as yours, but there are always negatives that come along with the positives.




These are some of the negatives.

1. It gets stuck in lots of things

Yup, you never realise how much your hair can get stuck in things until its happening. And trust me, the longer it gets, the worse this problem becomes.
Things I get my hair stuck in daily include:

My own armpits.

The car door/window

My husband's beard

Under my husband's arm

My guitar's strings

My clothing's zippers

Food

Branches/Trees

Nails/Screws

My engagement ring

My handbag



I could just end the blog here, but WAIT! There's more.

2. When it falls out, you (and everyone else) knows its yours

Guys who marry or move in with girls with long hair will know this.

One of our hairs is equal to at least ten, if not more, of the guys hair.


Lyndon finds my hair on almost all of his stuff.

His clothes, inside his work bag, in his beard, in HIS hair.


And it does get everywhere in the house, SORRY DEAR!

When I'm doing a good clean I usually rub my hand over the carpet where I normally brush my hair and pick up a huge ball of the stuff. You don't even want to SEE my hairbrush.


But Lyndon thinks its pretty so I guess we just have to deal with all the foreign strands everywhere (did I mention its all in my car as well?)

3. Washing is an ordeal

You know how people have the lame excuse: "Sorry I can't come out, I'm washing my hair" ???

Well this is a LEGIT reason for me.

It takes at least an hour to wash and blowdry (I have to wash my hair at night because I'm a night showerer)

I also use a crazy amount of shampoo and conditioner, luckily I only need to wash it every five days or so, otherwise I'd never have any time for anything else and I'd also be completely broke.

4. Only so many hairstyles

I struggle with this one the most I think. I get stressed out when my hair is down when I'm trying to do things, especially when I'm playing guitar, so I have had to find good hairstyles that both work for me and aren't going to hurt me later on.

When I wear my hair in a bun, or a ponytail, it usually starts pulling really badly and hurting my head eventually, so usually a plait or pinning some of my hair up is the best way to go.

Short hair is definitely easier to do different things to, but I'm trying to do some more experimental things every now and then (usually unsuccessfully)

5. Risk of looks like a Mormon/Religious Zealot/Brethren

This one is pretty self explanatory. When I see my mum after not seeing her for awhile, she usually comments on my hair and tells me its starting to look a bit like a Brethren woman.

I see where she is coming from. I do not suggest wearing your long hair straight down, unlayered, with ratty ends that go past your butt.

Its not the best look.

I try really hard to avoid this myself. It makes you look old and like you are maybe in a cult :-P

If you can make it work though then all the power to ya!

6. When it's hot- Beware!

Long hair is the worst in summer, as I mentioned before, there aren't a lot of hairstyles you can do with really long hair that aren't going to hurt your head.

Even a plait or wearing some of your hair pinned up won't help cool you down on a really hot day because the hair around your neck creates an insulated area of intense warmth that makes you feel all sweaty and gross and creates an uncomfortable dampness down your neck and back.

Trust me, I'd know.

Best thing you can do is pile all your hair on top of your head and tie that sucker up and hope for the best!!!

7. The stress of it getting into lots of things

Yes I have to tie up my hair everytime I eat a meal, and yes Lyndon does find hair in his mouth after we kiss sometimes, hahahaha........ I'M SORRY LYNDON! YOU THINK ITS PRETTY THOUGH!!!!!!!

The stress I feel when I'm trying to eat or play guitar is actually very serious though.

I have to, HAVE TO, have a hair-tie on my wrist at all times during my life UNLESS I'm showering or sleeping.

I also have a few spares in my bag, that's how important it is to me.

Trying to eat without my hair-tie is enough to make me want to punch a wall and run around screaming. Hair just droops over and into the food and its just so bad and I can't handle it.

My hair also gets stuck in my guitar strings if its not tied up and it impairs my vision. I can't see what I'm doing, the hair is everywhere, its like a blanket of hotness over my face that I can't get rid of.

I can't see, I can't breathe, its inescapable. 

The stress, THE STREEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

But once you're able to tie it back, AAAAHHHHH. Sweet relief.

I can go on living.

At the end of the day, yes its a struggle, and a pretty funny one sometimes, but I love my long hair and I don't wish to cut it. At least not at the moment.

<3



Thanks for reading and I hope you've learnt something today, even if that's just that I'm a bit crazy (maybe its the long hair).