Being Woman Hurts. Period.

Today I am going to write about something that I'll probably get told off for.
It is considered by some people as inappropriate and gross.
But you know what, IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL!


And I want to to talk about it!!!

If you don't want to read about menstrual cycles, feel free to exit this blog now.

However, if you are interested in my thoughts on the matter, then feel free to read on.



I know that this might be a little weird to write about, but since almost 100% of women have a period at least once in their life, we shouldn't think of periods as disgusting and something we should keep a secret.



There are many terms used to describe one's period, these include

• Aunt Flo  – cousin Red – crimson wave – delicate  – get (one's) redwings – have the painters in –in her flowers – on the blob – on the rag – red tide – ride the cotton pony – Sally – shark week – surf the crimson wave –that time of the month –  women's trouble

I refer to my period as Eunice, which I adopted from one of my best friends.

I always tell this friend about how Eunice is being a b****, or "Eunice is kicking my ass today" etc.


I also like to warn Lyndon when I'm about to get my period by telling him Shark Week is coming.
I think it's funny, and makes me feel a little better.


I HATE MY PERIOD.



The reason I'm writing about it is because it is mine and Eunice's 10 year anniversary.

It was almost 10 years ago, on the 16th October 2004 when Eunice entered my life for the first time.


As a young girl, you hear gossip about some girls getting worse periods than others, and you pray that when you finally get yours that you will not be one of those girls.



Unfortunately, I am.




Whenever Shark Week commences, I have to withstand the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced.

Breaking my arms, getting my wisdom teeth out, biting through my tongue, having a horse stand on my foot, having a needle shoved into my hand, nothing has ever come close.

And the worst part is, I have to endure this pain MONTHLY.



It's enough to feel extremely hopeless.


For me, the pain feels like someone constantly stabbing my uterus with a dull knife, whilst also twisting it around just for effect.

I want to crawl under a piece of furniture and die.


I'm sorry that this sounds dramatic but it is actually unbearable.




I remember when I was working as a receptionist when I was 16 at my Dad's medical clinic.
I was on my period and the painkillers weren't working (just so you understand, I am constantly on painkillers as soon as I sense Eunice knocking on the door, but they don't work 100% of the time).
So I was at the clinic, meant to be working, and I couldn't stand the pain.
I literally crawled under a bookcase in one of the offices.

Thinking about it now makes me want to laugh.

My mum walked in and asked me what I was doing.


Yup.


I definitely lose my mind a little bit when I'm "on the rag".


Another memorable moment was when I was in chemistry class, pale as a sheet, in excruciating pain.
 My teacher asked if I was okay, I said I was, and she told me she didn't think I was and that I should go home.


So I did.


I went home and got into my pajamas and lay on the couch eating crackers and hummus (I don't know why but chips, crackers, bread etc. makes me feel better when I'm in pain).
My parents came home once they finished work to find me in front of the TV.
They asked me what I was doing and I told them I was sent home from school.

It wasn't the first time.



It's not even like I asked to go home, because I often didn't.

I just lose my mind so much when I'm hopped up on painkillers and they don't work that people can't deal with me and think its better if I just go home and take care of myself.




It's hard when you have to work while on your period.

My boss at the cafe has mentioned to me, while I've been on my period, that I "seem flat".

That's a good way to put it!!!!!

And it's true.


I am flat when I'm in so much pain I can barely think or talk coherently.





I have been prayed for many times for my pain to go away, but as of yet, I have not seen any results from this.

God has healed me from colds, headaches, and other kinds of pain, but period pain doesn't seem to be one of them.



It's okay though.


I get through it.


I have survived all 120 periods I have had thus far.




I am pretty keen to get pregnant and not have a period for nine months, it'll be a nice break.

I wonder if my experience with the excruciating pain will make child-birth not as traumatic.

I'll have to let you know.




Something I think is totally unfair is the fact that some girls do not get any period pain.

No offence, but it's total bulls***.


The fact that there are some girls, like me, who want to walk in front of traffic when they're on their periods because it hurts so much, and then there are other girls who barely notice their periods and are only slightly annoyed at the inconvenience it causes, is totally unfair.

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!



It's so unfair.

Life is unfair.

The difference of pain between women is one of the most unfairest things ever, in my world at least.



Poor Lyndon.


He takes care of me.



He knew about my traumatic time-of-the-month before we ever went out.


One time we were watching 'The King's Speech' at my flat and my painkillers weren't working and I had to leave the movie and go upstairs and curl up in my bed in the fetal position.

I have found that lying in a fluffy bed with blankets and warm things is the best thing you can do when you have period pain.

Honestly, nothing beats it.


Although, sometimes its good to sit on a couch with your legs bent up to your chin, with a warm fluffy blanket of course.

The key is not to be vertical.


Being vertical is not your friend.



I told Lyndon that yesterday.




If you're a guy and you're reading this, the best thing you can do for a girl who is on her period is to be nice to her.


Don't be a douche.

Tell her that you're sorry she is in pain.

Get her chocolate.

Honestly, chocolate is awesome for a girl on the rag. I don't even like chocolate and I LOVE THE STUFF WHEN EUNICE IS VISITING!!!!!!


Lyndon makes the most of this and likes buying a ton of chocolate during that time of the month so he can enjoy it too.

He drives me around because I'm not supposed to be behind the wheel of a car in my drug-addled state.
He also brings me food and makes sure I'm comfy and has plenty of hugs for me.

He is awesome.

I appreciate him heaps.



Suffering through my period is definitely easier with a loving man in my life, I'm sorry if that is offensive to say but it's the truth.


I really feel like a Tim-Tam slam.


Oh my gosh, Joella, I haven't had a Tim-Tam slam in SOOOO LOOOONNNGGG!!!!

Not since you moved away!!! Aaarrgggghhhh!!!!

My life is so not complete without a Tim-Tam slam every now and then.



Anyway.

I digress.



The moral of the story is: periods suck.
Especially my ones.

I feel fat and ugly, my skin breaks out, I feel bloated and useless.
At least it's only for a few days.

See how someone treating you nicely can go a long way??


Being a woman isn't easy, so be nice to those around you!!!!



You never know if their uterus is severely unhappy.





Sorry if I grossed you out.





Here's a funny article about how to make a woman on her period feel better:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Woman-Feel-Better-While-She's-on-Her-Period