Disappointment Part 2.

Hello Blog.



This may be my most negative blog post ever.

I am livid.


For awhile now I have felt like certain friends and I have a really weird, disjointed relationship.

I try not to pay too much attention to it.

No one talks about.



But I'm really fed up now, and I have to vent.



Last week I wrote into a Q&A panel at my church.

I asked how to deal with people in your life, especially Christians, disappointing you.
Acting like you don't matter.
Disrespecting you.
Ignoring you.
Forgetting you.


I don't remember everything that was said in response.



The panel did say it was a very good question.





The truth is, I constantly feel disappointed by people.

Our woman's pastor said that we shouldn't have too high expectations of people.

But I really don't have ones that are that high.


For example, it was my birthday a week ago, and all I expected was for my friends to send me a simple "Happy birthday". Surely that isn't asking too much??????

But it was.

Some people can't be bothered doing that.

So be it.




But the part that is worse for me, is when people don't care enough to include you in their important life events, or to attend your important life events.


When certain "friends" didn't come to my engagement party, a bitter seed was planted inside me.

It showed me that they clearly didn't care enough.

In some instances, I decided to cut these "friends" from the list of those who were invited to the wedding.

I'm twenty four now. I can't be bothered with people who don't care about me.

Caring is showing up to important life events.




I am sick and tired of making an effort for people who don't make an effort in return.



I feel like I am CONTINUALLY making an effort with almost all of my friends, basically begging them to catch up with me. They rarely ask ME if I want to catch up.

Why can't someone offer every once in awhile? It makes me very sad and feel like they don't actually care.



I'm sure you're seeing a pattern.



I found it really hard when my good friends Joella, Xanda and Katie all moved away.

They are the genuine kind of friends I don't have these disappointment issues with.

I never wonder where I stand with them. I know they care. They make this known to me.



Other people just don't treat me like I am actually valuable to them.


When they don't invite me to their birthday parties, or graduation dinners, or offer to hang out with me on my birthday when I'm all alone and sad and crying.

I don't have it all together.

I need people around me.

I am very sensitive and emotional and I really invest everything I have into my friendships and I just feel like people don't do the same for me.


I feel like I am taken for granted.



I feel soooooo lucky and blessed, almost to the point of crying, that I have Lyndon.

He is my best friend, and sometimes (most of the time) it feels like he is all I have.

It feels like he is the only one that cares.



I know this isn't the truth, but I continually feel this way.


If I didn't have him, I would be all alone. :-(



I have tried to stop myself feeling like this, and making more of an effort with friends, but nothing has changed.

So I have tried to stop caring, and just invest into Lyndon.




But I don't want to continue on this way.

I want the people in my life to know how I feel.

Mostly I feel really really sad.


I want to create stronger friendships with people but I just don't know how.

I don't know what to do to get myself invited to graduations and birthday parties.

I don't know how to make people like me enough to want to hang out with me.

I just don't know.



For now, I am going to take a break from social media.

When I'm on there I just see how much fun all my friends are having without me.

How they have fun events with other people and that I am not invited to.

It makes me feel very disappointed.



I don't know if anyone will read this, but if they do, know that I am only writing this because I care.



I care too much.



I miss my friends.




I love them, and I just want them to love me too.
Enough to include me in their lives.





I feel like a stranger.




I know I am super super lucky to have Lyndon.

It's sad when you feel like you have nothing without your boyfriend/fiance/husband, it's not supposed to be like that.


Please don't comment and say we should hang out unless you REALLY mean it.

So many people come of as phony.




I just want you to be real with me.

How To Get Over Someone

I felt it was time to write a blog post again.

I actually decided I would write about this topic awhile back, as I had a friend who was struggling with getting over a girl.

I know most people would have tips on how to get over someone (and don't say "get under someone else" because that's not what I mean!), but the tips I have actually worked REALLY WELL for me.

I thought it was my duty to share these with you.


I don't claim to know everything, but I do know a little about what it's like when you love someone and they don't love you back.





So some context:



A few years back, I met a guy.


I thought he was perfect for me.


We became friends.


We spent a lot of time together.


I thought that even though he said he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with me, he would change his mind.


He didn't.


He lead me on.


I kissed him and he kissed me back.



He made me feel like we were a couple.



We weren't.



Eventually I couldn't take it anymore.



I wanted more, and he didn't want to give that to me.



We said we loved each other but I was IN LOVE with him.



He probably knew it.




I don't class this guy as an ex-boyfriend.
Because we were never a couple (he made sure of that)
But the feelings I had for him were stronger than those I had for previous boyfriends.

He was, in my own words, a "pretend boyfriend".

Before Lyndon I actually had a total of three pretend boyfriends, and Lyndon was actually my fourth pretend boyfriend until he turned into a real one.


You can already see how messed up this was.



It left me feeling worthless.

Like I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend.

And like he was just using me to gratify himself.




When I told my friend and esteemed relationship expert Keron about my situation, he was horrified.


He told me to end it immediately.

I told him I couldn't.
I needed this guy in my life.
He was everything.


Keron told me that I had to end it.


I continually refused.


He said if I didn't, the pain would only get worse.


Eventually, and I don't really know how, Keron convinced me to end things.
He had a list of rules for me, which are what my tips that I will be sharing with you today are based on.












1. Do not call, text, email, Facebook message or nothing. 

This probably seems obvious, but you have to continually remind yourself of this when you're going through a break-up. The "or nothing" refers to Facebook stalking, trawling their Instagram, leaving comments you know they will see and potentially respond to, etc.




2. Avoid them at all costs. 

You are essentially on an "EX BAN". I know that might sound harsh but it's WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO GET OVER THEM! Out of sight, out of mind. I cannot tell you how helpful this was for me. Keron put me on a ban for six months. He said that if we'd been more involved (like, sexually or whatever) it would have been A YEAR! But thankfully we'd only kissed a few times so he thought six months would suffice. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere I knew this guy would be.




3. Do not talk about them. 

Or in my case, write songs about them. Before I broke up with this guy I deliberately wrote a song called "The Last Song", which I told ALMOST EVERYONE was the last song I would ever write about him. I knew if I didn't do this I would keep wallowing in my misery and writing a billion songs about how awful he was to me. It was also extremely hard but during my six month ban I worked really hard to never say anything about the guy. I was prone to tearing him down behind his back to our friends and I really didn't want to do that anymore.




4. Have accountability people.

Because this guy and I had different friend groups, I had a range of people I told about my break-up and asked them to keep me accountable. If they saw me talking to him or hanging around in places where he would normally be, they would have to take me aside and ask me what I was doing. I knew that if I didn't share the news of the break-up with certain people I could easily sneak around and see this guy without my other friends finding out. I didn't want this to happen.
Funnily enough, Lyndon was one of these accountability friends, as he and I were quite close when I was going through this break-up. Yup. He was there through it, the poor dear.







5. Don't count down the days.

The last thing you want to be doing when you're on a ban is count down how much time you have left until you can see and talk to the person you are banned from seeing. When I first broke up with the guy, I checked off each day as I went, but after a few months, it didn't matter to me anymore and I stopped. It actually blows my mind how obsessed I was with this guy and makes me feel soooo grateful that Keron helped me the way he did.







6. Get on with your life.

There is a good reason you have ended the relationship, so realise that its for the best and move on.
Life is still worth living. You don't need to wallow in the pain. It's not worth it. It probably does make for good songwriting, but you need to give that up eventually too. I probably could've written a whole album during the six months I was banned from seeing that guy, but Keron told me it wasn't worth it.







The last thing I'll say is, even though you get an idea of how deep I was into the relationship, it was a lot worse than I can even describe.

Ending my relationship with him, effectively CUTTING HIM OUT OF MY LIFE, was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

And it sucked.

A lot.

When I accidentally ran into him on the street, I had a meltdown. I cried and cried and even went out and bought alcohol.
I was really messed up.


But I got better.


And I got over it.


And by the end of the six months, I didn't care that the ban was over.


I didn't need him in my life anymore, nor did I want him in it.





That was probably the most satisfying feeling.


Knowing that I didn't need him.



If you are going through a break up, I know how much it sucks. But you can get through it, and you'll feel SO MUCH BETTER once you're on the other side.

Be strong.






I hope this has helped x















p.s- Don't forget to check out my album, most songs are written about the guy written about in this blog
https://martinette.bandcamp.com/album/sweeping-statements

Being Woman Hurts. Period.

Today I am going to write about something that I'll probably get told off for.
It is considered by some people as inappropriate and gross.
But you know what, IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL!


And I want to to talk about it!!!

If you don't want to read about menstrual cycles, feel free to exit this blog now.

However, if you are interested in my thoughts on the matter, then feel free to read on.



I know that this might be a little weird to write about, but since almost 100% of women have a period at least once in their life, we shouldn't think of periods as disgusting and something we should keep a secret.



There are many terms used to describe one's period, these include

• Aunt Flo  – cousin Red – crimson wave – delicate  – get (one's) redwings – have the painters in –in her flowers – on the blob – on the rag – red tide – ride the cotton pony – Sally – shark week – surf the crimson wave –that time of the month –  women's trouble

I refer to my period as Eunice, which I adopted from one of my best friends.

I always tell this friend about how Eunice is being a b****, or "Eunice is kicking my ass today" etc.


I also like to warn Lyndon when I'm about to get my period by telling him Shark Week is coming.
I think it's funny, and makes me feel a little better.


I HATE MY PERIOD.



The reason I'm writing about it is because it is mine and Eunice's 10 year anniversary.

It was almost 10 years ago, on the 16th October 2004 when Eunice entered my life for the first time.


As a young girl, you hear gossip about some girls getting worse periods than others, and you pray that when you finally get yours that you will not be one of those girls.



Unfortunately, I am.




Whenever Shark Week commences, I have to withstand the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced.

Breaking my arms, getting my wisdom teeth out, biting through my tongue, having a horse stand on my foot, having a needle shoved into my hand, nothing has ever come close.

And the worst part is, I have to endure this pain MONTHLY.



It's enough to feel extremely hopeless.


For me, the pain feels like someone constantly stabbing my uterus with a dull knife, whilst also twisting it around just for effect.

I want to crawl under a piece of furniture and die.


I'm sorry that this sounds dramatic but it is actually unbearable.




I remember when I was working as a receptionist when I was 16 at my Dad's medical clinic.
I was on my period and the painkillers weren't working (just so you understand, I am constantly on painkillers as soon as I sense Eunice knocking on the door, but they don't work 100% of the time).
So I was at the clinic, meant to be working, and I couldn't stand the pain.
I literally crawled under a bookcase in one of the offices.

Thinking about it now makes me want to laugh.

My mum walked in and asked me what I was doing.


Yup.


I definitely lose my mind a little bit when I'm "on the rag".


Another memorable moment was when I was in chemistry class, pale as a sheet, in excruciating pain.
 My teacher asked if I was okay, I said I was, and she told me she didn't think I was and that I should go home.


So I did.


I went home and got into my pajamas and lay on the couch eating crackers and hummus (I don't know why but chips, crackers, bread etc. makes me feel better when I'm in pain).
My parents came home once they finished work to find me in front of the TV.
They asked me what I was doing and I told them I was sent home from school.

It wasn't the first time.



It's not even like I asked to go home, because I often didn't.

I just lose my mind so much when I'm hopped up on painkillers and they don't work that people can't deal with me and think its better if I just go home and take care of myself.




It's hard when you have to work while on your period.

My boss at the cafe has mentioned to me, while I've been on my period, that I "seem flat".

That's a good way to put it!!!!!

And it's true.


I am flat when I'm in so much pain I can barely think or talk coherently.





I have been prayed for many times for my pain to go away, but as of yet, I have not seen any results from this.

God has healed me from colds, headaches, and other kinds of pain, but period pain doesn't seem to be one of them.



It's okay though.


I get through it.


I have survived all 120 periods I have had thus far.




I am pretty keen to get pregnant and not have a period for nine months, it'll be a nice break.

I wonder if my experience with the excruciating pain will make child-birth not as traumatic.

I'll have to let you know.




Something I think is totally unfair is the fact that some girls do not get any period pain.

No offence, but it's total bulls***.


The fact that there are some girls, like me, who want to walk in front of traffic when they're on their periods because it hurts so much, and then there are other girls who barely notice their periods and are only slightly annoyed at the inconvenience it causes, is totally unfair.

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!



It's so unfair.

Life is unfair.

The difference of pain between women is one of the most unfairest things ever, in my world at least.



Poor Lyndon.


He takes care of me.



He knew about my traumatic time-of-the-month before we ever went out.


One time we were watching 'The King's Speech' at my flat and my painkillers weren't working and I had to leave the movie and go upstairs and curl up in my bed in the fetal position.

I have found that lying in a fluffy bed with blankets and warm things is the best thing you can do when you have period pain.

Honestly, nothing beats it.


Although, sometimes its good to sit on a couch with your legs bent up to your chin, with a warm fluffy blanket of course.

The key is not to be vertical.


Being vertical is not your friend.



I told Lyndon that yesterday.




If you're a guy and you're reading this, the best thing you can do for a girl who is on her period is to be nice to her.


Don't be a douche.

Tell her that you're sorry she is in pain.

Get her chocolate.

Honestly, chocolate is awesome for a girl on the rag. I don't even like chocolate and I LOVE THE STUFF WHEN EUNICE IS VISITING!!!!!!


Lyndon makes the most of this and likes buying a ton of chocolate during that time of the month so he can enjoy it too.

He drives me around because I'm not supposed to be behind the wheel of a car in my drug-addled state.
He also brings me food and makes sure I'm comfy and has plenty of hugs for me.

He is awesome.

I appreciate him heaps.



Suffering through my period is definitely easier with a loving man in my life, I'm sorry if that is offensive to say but it's the truth.


I really feel like a Tim-Tam slam.


Oh my gosh, Joella, I haven't had a Tim-Tam slam in SOOOO LOOOONNNGGG!!!!

Not since you moved away!!! Aaarrgggghhhh!!!!

My life is so not complete without a Tim-Tam slam every now and then.



Anyway.

I digress.



The moral of the story is: periods suck.
Especially my ones.

I feel fat and ugly, my skin breaks out, I feel bloated and useless.
At least it's only for a few days.

See how someone treating you nicely can go a long way??


Being a woman isn't easy, so be nice to those around you!!!!



You never know if their uterus is severely unhappy.





Sorry if I grossed you out.





Here's a funny article about how to make a woman on her period feel better:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Woman-Feel-Better-While-She's-on-Her-Period

The End Of My Music?

Hello blog,

I will make this brief.


As some of you may know, last year I recorded an album.
It was a really fun experience and I found it extremely therapeutic to finally get my songs recorded and sounding good.

I have released three of these songs to my Bandcamp page already.


I had originally planned to hold a Release Party to welcome my album into the public with a BANG!
Unfortunately, due to circumstances, this still hasn't happened.


Because I haven't played any gigs this year, I feel like my music doesn't matter anymore.


I've forgotten the chords and lyrics to my own songs.
I cannot play them or sing them very well anymore.


It is disheartening.


I have had a lot going on this year with working full-time, family problems, wedding planning, church commitments.

I just don't seem to have time for my music anymore.



So I just wanted to say this, when I finally release my album, and I WILL release it, it will likely be the last of my music you will hear for awhile.



Even though my dream is to be a musician and make my living by writing and playing music, this dream seems to grow fainter everyday.

I feel that I should take a step back and re-access what I want to do in the future.


Maybe I'll be content just being a wife and, eventually, a mother.

Maybe I'll teach my kids to play music and start a band with them.



In any case, thank you to everyone for supporting my music til now.


It means the world to me.


Recording my album 'Sweeping Statements' has been a life-long dream of mine.
Thank you for helping me get there.


To listen to my music, please visit my bandcamp page here: http://martinette.bandcamp.com/
and my facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/martinettemusic










My album will be released in the next few months, DEFINITELY before the end of the year.




xx

Sorry, August

Hello blog readers,

I am so disappointed in myself.
Up until now I have tried REALLY HARD to write a blog post at least once a month.

When you think about it, it doesn't seem that difficult, right?

I mean, you have approximately 30 days between entries.
That's heaps of time!!!!

Unfortunately, no, it doesn't seem to be heaps of time.

Not to me anyway.

August was 31 days, just like a lot of other months, but I couldn't bring myself to write.

I did write in my wedding blog: L is for Love, M is for Marriage, which you can read here: http://mis4marriage.blogspot.co.nz/
But I didn't write a Girl That Eats All The Chips blog.

And for that, I am apologetic.


I don't know what it is about August.
I just have no motivation.

There are things I want to write about, but I just haven't done it.


Very very sad.


I'll be honest, I'm going to attribute my lack of writing mainly to my tiredness.

Like I have written about before, I am very tired much of the time.

Yet back then I wasn't too tired to write about how tired I was....


Confusing?!?!?!


Anyway.

Yes.

I will try to write more often.

I really am sorry.


I have my next post in the works:

"Famous" People I've Met.


It's gonna be great and a lot of fun to write!

So please keep reading.


I really do appreciate everyone who reads my silly little blog.

It means a lot!!!!!!

Picture of coffees I helped make to depict my tiredness

'Til next time.

X

My Poor Stolen Dresses

It is with a saddened heart that I write today.


A little while back I played at Dunedin Elim Church's annual Women's Conference, Replenish.
We were informed that the dress code for all the musicians playing that day was black.
Pretty standard.

I knew immediately which dress I would wear.
My black Glassons dress with the high neckline and leafy lacey patterns on it.
It was perfect.

When the morning of Replenish came, I got up and went to get the dress I had planned to wear.
I scoured my closet for it, but couldn't find it anywhere.
How odd?????

I phoned Lyndon and asked him if I had left it at his place.
Sometimes after church (where I ALWAYS wear a dress) I come back to his house and change into his clothes because they are warmer and comfier. It would be a pretty safe bet that it was hanging up on his clothes rack.
He told me there was a dress hanging up so he would bring it when he came over to drop me off at church.

When he finally arrived, he had my knee-length purple-ish flower dress.
Not the one I was looking for.

I was very disappointed and a little worried.

Where was this black dress????


I put on my other black dress (not as cute) and went to the Conference.


I continued to wonder where the black dress was but tried not to stress too much about it.



On Saturday however, I awoke to the sinking feeling that I hadn't seen my creamy navy spotted dress in awhile either....
In my efforts to find the black dress, I had gone through every single one of my dresses multiple times, and it only just occurred to me that I never saw my OTHER dress either.

I'll be honest. I have a LOT of dresses, so it is very easy for me to lose track of them.
But I do realise if I'm missing one EVENTUALLY!

So I jumped out of bed and rifled through all my dresses with much haste, hoping beyond all hopes that I was mistaken and my super cute spotty dress was hanging safely in my closet.


It wasn't.



At this point I started feeling very worried.
Where in the world were these dresses?

I went through all possibilities of where they could be.

Did I leave them when I visited my parents in Kaitaia?
I haven't been anywhere other than Queenstown this year and I didn't leave them there.
They weren't in any of my bags.
They weren't in a box somewhere.
I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS leave my dresses hanging up with all their other dress friends.
I'm not the kind of person who would put them somewhere else.

So the fact they weren't in the closet meant that something was amiss.



For the first few months of the year my bedroom door had no lock on it, and I am rarely ever home.
The front door isn't consistently locked either.
Did someone come in and steal my dresses??!?!?!

I could think of no other answer.


Before losing my mind completely with grief over my lost dresses, I called my mother to ask if by any chance the dresses were in Kaitaia.
She was happy to hear from me and went on a tirade about the FIFA World Cup and how Brazil was going to beat Columbia because they pay people off and how the players are huge showmen when another player lightly taps them and they act like they are in sooo much pain.

She eventually detailed all the clothes hanging up in my old bedroom, the dresses I had lost were not there.

:-(


At this point I started crying.
My poor lost dresses. I hardly knew them.
I was so very sad.

They weren't my favourite dresses, or my most comfy, or my most expensive, but I still treasured them.
They held special sentimental value and I would never have given them up unless I gained 10kg and couldn't fit them anymore.
Maybe not even then!!!!!!!!


So so so very sad.



It saddens me more that I am trying to live a minimalist life but when it comes to dresses I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!
I WANT TO BUY AAAAAALLLLL THE DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!




What is more sad was later that day, after Lyndon accompanied me on a frenzy of dress-buying to make up for the dress-sized hole in my heart, I realised that ANOTHER one of my dresses was gone.

I hadn't gotten any new dresses since my birthday last year.
That's over six months of not buying any new dresses and is a HUGE accomplishment for me.



I know I am going on and on about dresses.
Maybe only girls will understand. SOME girls.


I guess anytime you lose something, or its taken from you, its hard.
As much as I try not to be materialistic, it is difficult to lose things you have paid for and which meant something to you.



On Sunday I decided to just let it go and get over it.



Material possessions do not define me.

I asked for God's peace to fill me.

And if someone DID steal my dresses, I ask God to bless them and for them to come to know Him the way I do.

I am thankful that I even had those dresses.

They were good dresses.

I will miss them.



I couldn't find any pictures of the third missing dress, but I bought it when Joella worked at Farmers.
She picked it out for me.
It was navy blue with strappy things over the neckline.
It had pockets and was super comfy.
It was only $15.

I don't remember with whom or when I bought my black dress, but it was from Glassons.
I wore it on my birthday last year and to a gig at the Hub.

The creamy one with navy spots was also from Glassons.
I bought it as a 22nd birthday present to myself when I was with Jaimee Northcott.
I wore it a few times when I played gigs, most recently at Samstock.

I may never know what happened to these dresses, and while I am sad, I hope you can see that I am trying my best to move past it.




I will probably never stop loving my dress-children, but hopefully I can learn not to find my happiness in them, and realise that all earthly possessions will one day cease to exist.



It's what you DO, not what you WEAR, that really matters.

How I Met My Husband

How I Met My (Future) Husband/Current Fiance

Also known as:

The Tale of Lyndon and How He Got Out Of The Friend-Zone.

This is going to be a long-ish tale.

I shan’t tell you every little detail that led me to Lyndon. Or the way that our romance blossomed over the course of two years.

But I will give you SOME KIND OF AN IDEA.

I don’t tell you this story to try and rub in your face that I found happiness.

It is to prove to you that even if you haven’t met your future husband/wife, THERE IS STILL HOPE!

Before Lyndon and I got together, I didn’t ever see myself finding the right person.

I had given up on love.

It sounds like a movie trailer.

The story of Lyndon and me could easily be made into a Romantic-Comedy. It has all the ingredients!

So without further adieu, here is my best attempt at explaining what would eventually be known as: Lyndinette Grilliams (no one has ever called us that...)

To understand the course of events, you’ll need some background information.

To make this more fun, I may write some of it as if it were the script or plot of a movie or novel.

I may refer to myself in the third person.

You’ll just have to use your wits to figure out what’s happening.

Back in 2011, I met a guy. Now, if this were a movie, you would think this guy was the Leading Man.

He has all the right attributes, or so you would be led to believe. And the chemistry between him and the female protagonist is BEYOND QUESTION.

The girl becomes involved with this guy by the end of 2011 and all throughout 2012.

She gets to know his friend group. She accompanies him to social gatherings. All seems to be going well. We’ll call this pseudo-Leading Man, Earl.

It really seemed like Earl and I were made for each other.

But during the course of the year, things were not going as planned.

Meanwhile, in May 2012, around the time that things seemed to be going in a better direction while still going in the completely wrong direction, I met Lyndon.

He was tall and good looking.

My friend Joel introduced us casually. Lyndon didn’t seem too fazed by me.

A while later I saw him again, at Earl’s surprise birthday party no less!

He basically told me it didn’t matter what he said to me or if we got along because we were never going to see each other again after this particular party.

I remember sitting outside next to Lyndon, chatting to him casually.

I couldn’t tell what it was about him but for some reason I felt drawn to him.

He was funny, though very very sarcastic, which I didn’t like.

I left the party early to attend another friend’s 21^st, not thinking about Lyndon once I’d gone. I was still very much caught up in my drama with Earl.

But then, for some reason, Lyndon and I kept running into each other.

I got to know him better.

I don’t know why but we somehow thought it would be a good idea to hang out sometime.

I think I partly did it to get back at Earl. To try and make him jealous.

Hanging out with Lyndon was fun. He accidentally touched my boob when we watched ‘The Lorax’ -together on our first ever “hang-out” together, and he was really embarrassed about it, even though I told him it wasn’t a big deal and laughed it off.

After that we started hanging out more often. He would come over to my flat to watch TV with me.

When I got my devastating dissertation results he came over simply to give me a hug.

We initially bonded over various things, such as our love of correct grammar.

There was something about him that was different.

He was different to other guys.

After that we continued to hang out more and more.

I would text him during my early morning caregiving shifts when the girl I looked after demanded I not look at her. He was the only person I knew that would be awake at 7.30am.

We started texting every single morning while I was looking after that girl.

Eventually I found that Lyndon was my favourite person to hang out with.

When I ended my friendship with Earl after almost a year of tears and anguish, Lyndon was there to help me through it. He helped me pick up the pieces of what was left of me.

He became my best friend.

I friend-zoned him many many times.

I would invite him round to hang out with me and my other friends.

He was just another guy friend of mine, even though he was my favourite, I didn’t let this fact be known to him.

I would call him things like: “buddy”, “pal” and “friend” just to get my point across.

I sometimes worried that he had feelings for me so I tried to let him know that the feelings weren’t mutual.

One day, however, the feelings became mutual.

It didn’t happen overnight. And because up until this point I had a massive hang-up about ages (I couldn’t stand the thought of going out with a guy who was younger than me), it took almost a month for me to come to terms with the fact I had special feelings for Lyndon.

I never expected it. It came out of the blue. Well, maybe not totally out of the blue.

But it was unexpected.

Almost a year after we’d first met, Lyndon showed me that he cared about me more than I even realised.

It was after my horrific graduation where I spent the entire morning crying that I asked one specific person to come over to console me.

Lyndon.

And when he came, he brought with him my one and only graduation present apart from the beautiful flowers my friend Briar got me.

They were charms for my charm bracelet. Four of them.

Up until this point my charm bracelet only had one lonely charm on it, which had originally been my mothers and I had somehow convinced her to give me.

My charm bracelet was in a sorry state, and Lyndon knew this, as I had complained to him about it before.

But when he threw the little ‘Pandora’ box at me and I looked inside, I was actually blown away.

I never expected him to buy me a graduation present, let alone ‘Pandora’ beads that are crazy expensive.

This is an actual photograph from my actual diary.
Yes, my handwriting is very very messy.

It was that moment that I realised I liked Lyndon a lot, and as more of a friend.

It wasn’t even about what he did, it was about who he was.

And he was a really good friend to me, and cared about me, and was nice to me.

He stopped being so sarcastic when I called him out about it almost a year earlier.

He tried food that he normally wouldn’t because I wanted him to.

He was willing to better himself and change and grow.

He’s still doing that now.

One cold winter’s night I decided to ask Lyndon if he liked me MORE THAN A FRIEND.

I decided this was the best way to find out, as it didn’t allow me to do any of the hard work. I simply had to ask HIM if he liked ME. If yes, awesome, if no, I wouldn’t divulge the fact that I felt differently.

Pretty genius.

Lyndon admitted he did, after much convincing and reassuring from me.

So we left it a few days to think and pray about it and then decided to go for it.

The rest is history.

Lyndon proposed to me seven months later outside his house.

He got down on one knee and gave me a ring he picked out all by himself (I really love it).

So as you can see, the relationship of Lyndon and me grew out of a pure friendship.

Before we became boyfriend and girlfriend we had never even gone out for a meal or movie together. We only ever hung out in groups. It was ALWAYS appropriate.

More appropriate than I’ve ever been with any of my other close guy friends. I don’t pride myself with always being appropriate, but with Lyndon, it really was. And I’m proud of that, looking back at it now.

So there you have it.

Lyndon got out of the Friend-Zone.

It isn’t the easiest thing to do.

He definitely deserves a high-five!!!!

I hope you have been encouraged by this tale, or at least found it mildly entertaining.

And because I know Lyndon will be reading this, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BABE!

Love you lots!

So excited to be married to you in eight short months hahaha. (I’m laughing because our engagement seems to be lasting forever).

Good things take time, right?

Why I'm Weird

The last time I wrote a blog entry with my phone the whole thing got deleted. . So figure me if I'm a bit scared.

Must press "Save" constantly to stop this from happening.

So anyway.

This year I'm trying to write at least one entry per month. And while I ashtray wrote TWO entries in my other blog this month, the chip eating girl is get to get a little sum'n sum'n this June.
So here goes nothing.

Don't forget to press "Save".
Okay good.

This won't be very long, purely because writing this on my phone is terrifying.
But I'd like to quickly outline to you why I choose to live my life being a weirdo.

Before I do though, I will first outline the ways in which I'm a weirdo.

- I enjoy accents: I put accents on ALL THE TIME.
I've noticed that if you say something in an accent it's much easier to come across not as a jackass.
For example: If you have to say something that's a bit uncomfortable or harsh, and you say it in a funny accent, people are much more likely to not get offended or hurt, and instead be amused by your weirdness while still taking in what you just told them.

There are few people who do this, but I always find it hilarious and really appreciate it when I do come across it.



- Whistling: I can't really whistle.
Like actually.
I suck at it.
But I still try.
And I do it ALL DAY LONG!
I used to not be able to whistle at all, but since I TRY to do it so often I have reached a level of mild mediocrity.



Facial expressions: If you've spent any time with me you'd know that most of the time I resemble a cartoon character.
I pull my face into a variety of different expressions, causing unwanted lines and wrinkles to regularly become more and more etched into my skin.
I can't help it though.
You can tell what I'm thinking because it can plainly be seen on my face.
This is sometimes frustrating for me but I actually can't stop.
Am I grossed out? You'll be able to tell.
Am I angry?  You'll be able to tell.
Am I trying to be subtle but in reality I'm being the most obvious I've ever been in my life? Yes you can tell that too.
Thanks,  face!



Random noises/body movements: Sometimes I sing what I'm doing (ask Lyndon. It took him awhile to get used to this but I think he sees the funny/cute side of it now).
I might just repeat one word over if i think it's particularly interesting or funny.
I also do weird little dances resembling ballet and something interpretational.
At work I often hum songs to myself as I clear tables, loud enough for people to hear, or just sing a song with only the word "La" in it.



The reason for all of this???

Because if I didn't live my life like this, it just wouldn't be as fun.

Things are a lot happier when you are enjoying yourself, and being weird is enjoyable to me.

I could probably try to stop being so weird, but what's the point?


Growing up, people would tell me I was weird, as if they were insulting me.
I'd just smile and agree with them


Because it's true.


I am weird.


And you know what?


I choose to embrace it.

A Life Introverted

Some of you may know, I am an introvert.

And for those who don't know me that well, I often get told: "YOU CAN'T BE AN INTROVERT! YOU ARE LOUD AND CRAZY!"


But the truth is, folks, I am.

You know how I know this?

Because I am exhausted.



It is often said that the way you know if you are introverted or extroverted is by looking at the manner in which you "recharge".
And by "recharge" I mean the way that your "battery gets filled up".
Hahaha.
So unhelpful.
What I mean is, you look at the way that you get energized from being tired.





Extroverts recharge by being around people.





My bf Joella is an extrovert.
If she is alone for too long she gets really lonely and has FOMO (fear of missing out) and goes out to find people to hang out with. In recent years she has become content with keeping company with characters in TV shows and movies, but she'd always prefer the real thing.
She thrives in public gatherings, parties and such, and can usually stay up talking with friends for many many hours.

My fiance is also an extrovert, and all the criteria I spoke of above also applies to him.





I, on the other hand, do not have these characteristics.





If I am around people too long, I get very very tired and crabby.
When I am in a social situation, I exert a LOT of energy being the "Loud and Crazy" person everybody knows me to be.
After a prolonged period of this, I am spent.
I need to be alone. To recharge.

Any introverts will relate with this.

Being around people all day is not my idea of a good time.
I dislike crowds and being around people I don't know for extended periods.
I can't handle the small talk. It exhausts me.

This weekend has been a perfect example of my introvertedness shining through.

I got up at 8am today and met with some friends. It was a lot of fun and I immensely enjoyed it.
Then the fiance and I went to church. We chatted with some people afterwards.
We then went on to have brunch with another two friends.
By the end of this, I was spent.
My fiance had another social engagement with even more friends, but I couldn't bare to go.
Not because I didn't want to.

I was just  T O O   T I R E D.


After a few hours by myself, my "batteries were recharged" and I was feeling back to normal again.


I'm sure extroverts reading this will be like "What in the world??!!? I don't understand!!!!"

But that's kind of what's nice I suppose. People are different and that's what makes life interesting.
And exciting. And fun.



For me, life is fun as long as my batteries are recharged and I eventually get my alone time.


It's also lucky that my fiance doesn't drain my batteries the way large groups of people do.







Being an introvert working in hospitality can be quite tricky as well.
I wrote a blog about how tired I am all the time.

A huge contributing factor to my tiredness is the fact that I am an introvert working in an extroverts world.
Being around people all day at the cafe drains me like nobody's business.
By the end of the day, I am beyond knackered, and the thought of having to hang out with even more people can sometimes be unbearable.

That's why I can be a little elusive and hard to get a hold of at times.


It's just a situational thing.



I'm sure one day I'll get a better handle on my introvertness.

As for now, I just gotta make the most of what I can, and hang out with as many people as I can while my batteries are still at full capacity.



I guess the purpose of this entry is to give people an idea of what it's like to be an introvert.

It's not always as easy for people to understand as you'd think.



I am super happy being alone reading a book, watching a movie or playing a guitar.


My idea of a dream weekend (before I had a boyfriend) was spending the entire time all by myself.
WHAT LUXURY!

Things are a bit different now, but that's okay.


I think it's important that we don't give introverts a hard time and just let them have their "recharge time"
It is actually really critical for them, trust me, I know.





Cheers for reading my blog!


Until next time -
Take it easy x

My Green Obsession

I don't often write about anything I care a great deal about.

But today, I am going to.

If you are here, reading this, then thank you.
It actually means A LOT!!!!

I've always longed to have a voice. To have people listen to me. It probably comes with being the middle child.
Pretty classic.


So I want you to listen to what I have to say.
REALLY listen.

I want you to read it and then think about what it means to you.

This earth we live on, it isn't in the best shape.

We all know this.

We hear about it in the news.

People often tell you how we have to take better care of the earth and stop driving cars etc etc etc.

And you might act like you care.




But then you don't really care that much.






You don't care enough to change anything.







I know how easy it is to live your life and not think about the consequences that our actions are having.






Growing up my mother taught me the importance of recycling. She didn't have to tell me to picture the amount of waste that is piling up in our towns and cities' landfills. I did that on my own.
Purely based on the black rubbish bags we would take to the recycling station in my hometown of Kaitaia, I could gauge how many black bags from my town alone was being dumped in the ground every week.
The thought made me sick.
Then I pictured how many of these black bags were being put in landfills across the country, AND THE WORLD!!!!!
It actually upset me so much that I couldn't even think about it.



In my mind, the only thing that could make a difference was recycling.
Instead of throwing paper, plastic bottles and containers, cardboard boxes, tin cans, newspapers and magazines into those black rubbish bags, you could choose to recycle them.

And recycling them meant that less of those awful black bags would be put into the earth.


So I made it my mission from that day on. I can't even remember how old I was when I became like this.
5? 6? Maybe 8? I don't know. I was young.

And I became obsessed with recycling.



Today I am 23 and I am still obsessed with recycling.
And I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE DON'T RECYCLE!

It makes me so angry and sad and heartbroken.

Every flat I've ever been in I have gotten bent out of shape about my flatmates not recycling.
It just doesn't make sense to me.

I have become accustomed to picking recyclable items out of people's rubbish bins and recycling them.
To this day I do it.
I do it at the cafe where I work.

It's totally normal for me now.

If I feel comfortable enough with you I will give you a speech about the importance of recycling and ask you why you don't do it.

But even that doesn't always work. Or ever work.



I guess my question is:
Why Don't You Care????



Does not recycling make you better than me?

Surely not.


So my next order of business is to implore to you:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CONSIDER RECYCLING.


It's not actually that difficult.

The following things are household products that you would normally throw in your rubbish bin.

• Cardboard food/drink boxes (for cereals, muesli bars, crackers, juices etc. Also toothpaste boxes)
• Paper. This one is self explanatory. Any kind of paper can be recycled. It breaks my heart when people throw years of University notes in the rubbish bin. RECYCLE THEM! PLEEEEEASE!!!!
• Plastic bottles. Including shampoo/conditioner, water and drink bottles
• Tins
• Glass jars

You would normally throw this stuff in the bin. I am asking you, as a fellow human being, not to.
Put it in your recycling bin instead.

Some of these items need to be rinsed before they are recycled. I know it might seem like a lot of effort but it really is worth it. Think about how much good you are doing for the earth.


I stole this from a town in Arizona's recycle plan, but it still counts for us.

If your city/town does not have recycling bins then that is totally unacceptable and you should start a petition to your local council to get them. This is the 21st century and we should all have access to recycling facilities. If you are too lazy to start a petition then let me know and I will try to start one for you.
But you shouldn't be too lazy. YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT THIS.

Here in New Zealand recycling is pretty prevalent so local authorities should take note of this.

My mother told me a little while ago that my hometown of Kaitaia is one of the top recycling towns in all New Zealand. This makes me proud to be from Kaitaia. I don't usually have many good things to say about Kaitaia, but they do care about recycling, and that makes me sooooo happy.



Businesses today are also become more savvy when it comes to recycling...
So Why Aren't You????

Anyway, that's everything I wanted to say.

I will leave you with one more story.

Last year when I moved into my flat on Agnew Street, there was no recycling bin.

Most people would have seen this and shrugged. "Meh, oh well!" and proceeded to throw all their milk bottles, cardboard boxes and plastic containers in their bins.

BUT NOT ME!

I contacted the Dunedin City Council about getting a new recycle bin.

They told me it was up to the Landlord.

So I phoned the Landlord and begged for a recycle bin.

In the meantime, recyclable items were piling up. I kept them in a large cardboard box and would scatter them in the neighbours recycling bins in the dead of night.

I called myself an Eco-Ninja.

Because the Landlord wasn't getting us a new recycling bin right away (we all know what they're like), recyclables kept piling up.

My flatmate told me she'd had enough and she was going to throw it all away.

She put all the recyclables in two black rubbish bags.

I couldn't let this happen! I HAD TO ACT NOW!

So I took these black bags and hid them from her so she couldn't throw them out.

I then asked friends on Facebook whether I could put my recycling in their recycle bin. Luckily my friend Christian from SouthLife responded and I drove those two big black bags of recycling about ten minutes to his mothers house, in order to put it all in her recycle bin.

Yes, I am that intense about recycling.

I have done similarly crazy and over-the-top things to stop recycling from being thrown into landfill.

I am that passionate about it.

So if you are still reading this, which I hope you are, I hope you will take what I have said into consideration.

I hope you will think twice when you go to throw that cardboard carton that your hair-dye came in into the bin.

I hope you will remember this blog and put it in the recycling instead.

Keep this world green. Reduce our landfills. Recycle.

Please share this with your friends and help raise awareness for the importance of recycling <3

New Blog! (it's about weddings and stuff)

Hello my dearest blog readers,


I feel like there are less of you these days.

Why is this???

Am I boring??

Probably...



Hahahaha. Just kidding.

I love you, really.



Wow okay, struggling to stay on topic here.

The reason I am writing to you all is because I have some exciting news.

It's not actually that exciting because I already mentioned it in the title.


I HAVE A NEW BLOG!


It's not because I don't love eating chips anymore,

But I realised after forcing myself to write last month that maybe I should go in a different direction.



I have a whole bunch of things I will eventually write about, which include:

• Lyndon
• Recycling
• Nightmares
• Cafe Customers
• I love earplugs
• Why I'm weird

But I don't know when I'll finally get around to writing about that stuff.

My friend Leroy has been waiting for me to email him for awhile now.
I'll get around to that as well.

I've been trying to write a new song but haven't made much progress.
I'll get around to that as well.


I've been meaning to catch up with a whole bunch of different people.
I'll get around to that as well.


I'm meant to be planning a wedding.
And I am actually getting around to that NOW. Sooner rather than later.

That's what the blog is for.


You don't have to read it, but if you'd like to, the option is there.




I'm not going to advertise it on Facebook like I do for this blog.
If you are interested in reading it regularly then you can always subscribe, or just check in and see what I've written when you get a chance.



I don't know everything (or anything) about weddings, but I think it will be fun to document my journey to the altar. (Direct quote from the new blog, hehehe).




It's called: L is for Love, M is for Marriage. Which, hopefully you are aware, is a play on the first letters of mine and Lyndon's name.
Cute, right?



Lyndon thought it was cool...



Hehe.


So yes, if you would like to check it out, you can find it here----> L is for Love. M is for Marriage.

Don't worry, I won't let the Girl that Eats All Chips fall out of existence.
But I may not be writing in here as much as the other one.

I'm sure you understand.




Thanks so much for reading.

You are awesome :)



Stay classy xx

I Am A Nana

Hello blog,

I'm writing this on my phone again.
Which is a terrible idea because last time I did this, my phone didn't save it.

So this time I'll make it shorter.

Unfortunately for me I don't have my laptop with me so I have no choice but to write it on my phone.

I try to write a blog post at least once a month.

Somehow my post about Joella got stuffed up and says I wrote it a few days ago.  Which I didn't. 

My blog is a liar!

But enough about that.

I have decided what I'll make this quick blog about.

I am a nana.

A grandma.

An old soul?

I've always been this way
Ever since I can remember.

I like sleeping early.
Taking naps.
Wearing knitted cardigans and sweaters.
Staying inside.
Not doing anything too strenuous.
Not drinking.
Not clubbing.
Not being around young people.
Quietness.
Warmth.
Fluffy puppies.
Not having people in my yard.

You get the idea.

I feel like as I get older my outward appearance is slowly fitting in to who I really am.

It's fun being a nana.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I enjoy complaining about young people with those who are old enough to be my grandparents. 
I feel like they get me.

I enjoy going to sleep early.
I enjoy wearing knitted sweaters.

I'm not restricting my life in any way.

Some people just prefer to live a life that's not as loud. :-)

Thanks for reading and I hope this saves.

The Saturday People

Every Saturday I want to write this.
My working week is finally done.

For SOME REASON,  Saturday at the Cafe is always not-too-busy, UNTIL 3:30pm. 
An hour and a half before the Cafe closes.

EVERYONE IS THERE!!! EVERYOOOONNNEEEE!!!!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!

It happens every single Saturday without fail.

Sometimes I'll ask a customer why this is.

Why do you come in so late on a Saturday?  Why not come earlier? 
Why come at all?
Why not stay home?

A guy once told me it was because the kids want a special treat late on a Saturday,  they spend all day at home and deserve a special treat. AND THE MUSEUM IS THAT TREAT.

But the people who show up at the Cafe late on a Saturday aren't just parents,  so the "Kids need a treat on Saturday" theory doesn't always work.

Can anyone who is reading this please tell me what's going on???

Because I work in hospitality I don't think like your average Cafe customer.

I don't understand why people come to the Cafe and I really want to.

Today was especially bad. Busy enough day, but come 4:30pm (half an hour before closing) ALL THESE PEOPLE SHOW UP!!! THERE ARE ONLY TWO OF US WORKING AND WE CAN'T KEEP UP!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?!

You get the jist.

If you have any theories for me,;please share.

Hospitality is hard. Understanding won't make Saturday afternoons any less busy, but at least I'll feel a bit less angry and frustrated about it.