Life Is Weird

I have the flu right now so this blog post might make no sense at all.

Last night my friend found out that someone close to her had passed away, which really sucks and is super sad, and put things in perspective for me. It made me feel like me having the flu is not the worst thing in the world, which is not what I overtly thought, but I was definitely having a bit of a pity party for myself as I walked out of the Doctor's office after forking out $38 and having her tell me its the flu and I should rest and drink fluids (which is advice I have known about for about as long as I've been alive).

But yes. It got me thinking about loss.

The last person I lost.. well.. she wasn't a person. She was my dog, granted she was my best friend, but she wasn't a human. And when you compare a dog like Sheba, who was effectively like a 12 year old family member when she passed away, to an older family member like a grandparent or other relative, its not really the same thing.

But loss has the same kind of effect on everyone, doesn't it? I mean, it sucks for everyone. You're never going to experience loss and not have it affect you in some way.


I don't really talk about Sheba anymore. I mean, sometimes I do, if I need to, but I don't go on about her and the fact that she died and how hard it was for me. Because I figure people know that.

When you look at his picture, (my longest running Facebook profile picture ever I believe), what do you think of?
You might think, "Oh, that girl looks happy"
Or maybe, if you like dresses, you might think my dress is kind of cute.

But you probably don't think: "Ah yes, this was the night that Martinette's dog Sheba was put down but her parents decided not to tell her until the following morning".

Its weird because I remember this night. My friend Matt had come over to visit me before I headed off to my other friend Jaimee's farewell party. I think we may have watched a movie? And I didn't usually do my make-up like I had this night but for some reason I decided to, and I put on my red lipstain, which I also barely ever did.
I guess you could say I made an effort to look nice for this party.
And I had worn heels, which I also never really did.
And in the picture, I was giving a speech about how much I loved Jaimee and how I was going to miss her, and I must have told some funny stories and that's what Huei captured in this photo.

And the next day, I got the text telling me that Sheba had been put down.
I guess a part of me feels like that picture of me, smiling and happy, is kind of cheating. Because I didn't know Sheba had just died. And it wasn't fair for me to be acting like that when I should have been sad and grieving for her, not out at a party with red lipstick and high heels on.

I've never told anyone that's my attitude towards this photo. I guess its kind of weird to feel that way about something that I've had on my Facebook for so long, and I could have changed it, but I think its better if I just keep it. It reminds me of what its like when your head is in the sand. When people don't tell you the truth about what is happening around you. I didn't know Sheba was dead when that photo was taken, I guess I was kind of a different person then to the one I am now.


Which brings me back to my topic of loss. Loss can change people. Its been enough months now for me to be over the loss of my dog. I am over it, I swear. But what about the people who are still grieving? We need to be sensitive to them as well. We need to remember that loss is all around us and that it is up to us to be kind to those dealing with it, because after all, we're all going to experience loss at one point or another.


But yes, life is weird, isn't it?
Sometimes you think one way and then the next day everything is different.
That's what that picture reminds me of.


I am off to my cousin's wedding tomorrow, and it should be a great time, and I still have the flu and THAT'S OK! Because its not the worst thing in the world.


I don't know if this has made any sense or any difference or if you regret wasting your time reading this, but whatever your attitude towards this entry, I'm still thankful you read it. Especially because the title was so ambiguous!!!


My heart goes out to anyone who is suffering the loss of someone or something they love right now, I know its hard, but you can get through it. I know that's cliche, but its true.
Sometimes its easier to pretend whatever you are going through isn't happening, but I believe its better to deal with stuff than to run from it. That's what I have been learning this year.
Deal with stuff and move forward.
That is the way to be.