Disappointment Part 2.

Hello Blog.



This may be my most negative blog post ever.

I am livid.


For awhile now I have felt like certain friends and I have a really weird, disjointed relationship.

I try not to pay too much attention to it.

No one talks about.



But I'm really fed up now, and I have to vent.



Last week I wrote into a Q&A panel at my church.

I asked how to deal with people in your life, especially Christians, disappointing you.
Acting like you don't matter.
Disrespecting you.
Ignoring you.
Forgetting you.


I don't remember everything that was said in response.



The panel did say it was a very good question.





The truth is, I constantly feel disappointed by people.

Our woman's pastor said that we shouldn't have too high expectations of people.

But I really don't have ones that are that high.


For example, it was my birthday a week ago, and all I expected was for my friends to send me a simple "Happy birthday". Surely that isn't asking too much??????

But it was.

Some people can't be bothered doing that.

So be it.




But the part that is worse for me, is when people don't care enough to include you in their important life events, or to attend your important life events.


When certain "friends" didn't come to my engagement party, a bitter seed was planted inside me.

It showed me that they clearly didn't care enough.

In some instances, I decided to cut these "friends" from the list of those who were invited to the wedding.

I'm twenty four now. I can't be bothered with people who don't care about me.

Caring is showing up to important life events.




I am sick and tired of making an effort for people who don't make an effort in return.



I feel like I am CONTINUALLY making an effort with almost all of my friends, basically begging them to catch up with me. They rarely ask ME if I want to catch up.

Why can't someone offer every once in awhile? It makes me very sad and feel like they don't actually care.



I'm sure you're seeing a pattern.



I found it really hard when my good friends Joella, Xanda and Katie all moved away.

They are the genuine kind of friends I don't have these disappointment issues with.

I never wonder where I stand with them. I know they care. They make this known to me.



Other people just don't treat me like I am actually valuable to them.


When they don't invite me to their birthday parties, or graduation dinners, or offer to hang out with me on my birthday when I'm all alone and sad and crying.

I don't have it all together.

I need people around me.

I am very sensitive and emotional and I really invest everything I have into my friendships and I just feel like people don't do the same for me.


I feel like I am taken for granted.



I feel soooooo lucky and blessed, almost to the point of crying, that I have Lyndon.

He is my best friend, and sometimes (most of the time) it feels like he is all I have.

It feels like he is the only one that cares.



I know this isn't the truth, but I continually feel this way.


If I didn't have him, I would be all alone. :-(



I have tried to stop myself feeling like this, and making more of an effort with friends, but nothing has changed.

So I have tried to stop caring, and just invest into Lyndon.




But I don't want to continue on this way.

I want the people in my life to know how I feel.

Mostly I feel really really sad.


I want to create stronger friendships with people but I just don't know how.

I don't know what to do to get myself invited to graduations and birthday parties.

I don't know how to make people like me enough to want to hang out with me.

I just don't know.



For now, I am going to take a break from social media.

When I'm on there I just see how much fun all my friends are having without me.

How they have fun events with other people and that I am not invited to.

It makes me feel very disappointed.



I don't know if anyone will read this, but if they do, know that I am only writing this because I care.



I care too much.



I miss my friends.




I love them, and I just want them to love me too.
Enough to include me in their lives.





I feel like a stranger.




I know I am super super lucky to have Lyndon.

It's sad when you feel like you have nothing without your boyfriend/fiance/husband, it's not supposed to be like that.


Please don't comment and say we should hang out unless you REALLY mean it.

So many people come of as phony.




I just want you to be real with me.