14 February 2013

Valentine's Day? Really?


I'm thinking about turning my blog into less of like a "dear diary.. I WANT A DRINK! WAAAAHHH!" and more of like, a column where I can express my thoughts about things.
I could even try to put it IN COLUMNS! How cool would that be?!!?


Answer: super cool.



I'm not gonna lie.. I don't know how to put it into columns...

So just forgeddaboutit.




Today's topic is: ST. VALENTINES DAY.

Most of you won't know this, I have never had a boyfriend during this day. Never. Not one.
I am 22. I have had some boyfriends, but never in February. Don't ask my why because I don't know.
Maybe they planned it that way.
Cheap bastards..

I used to always say: "Bla bla bla Valentine's Day is dumb, you should appreciate people everyday of the year not just on February 14th bla bla bla"
But I don't know. Maybe it can be cute, or whatever.

Maybe it just gives people an excuse to be nice to each other when on other days they don't have the courage. I love giving people treats and doing nice things for them, but most of the time when I do this, it can just start to seem like a normal thing and then I stop being appreciated. If I only did it on one day then maybe I'd get the recognition that I deserved.
And I know what guys say, they're all "The guy has to do everything on Valentine's Day", well maybe that's just how the world works.
I know for a fact that with all my guy friends, they are never the one making the effort for me, I'm the one who wants to give them chocolate and back scratchies and write songs about them. What about MEEEEE?
I want some reciprocation, please. Maybe guys just need an incentive. Valentine's Day is an incentive.

And for all the guys who didn't do anything for their gf's today, you kinda suck a little bit. Its ONE day. Seriously, are you not even gonna put ANY effort in? That's just sad, and I expected more from you.
Yes, you should be nice to your gf everyday of the year, but Valentine's Day is a consumer's DREAM and everyone knows when it is so don't pretend like you forgot.
There are literally advertisements everywhere.


Anyway. I'm done now.
Feel free to disagree with me, this is just my opinion. So you can't say its wrong. THIS IS HOW I FEEL! AND I LIKE TO WRITE ON MY BLOG!

Thanks for reading, keep the party alive.

Here are some fun memes I found:










01 February 2013

Almost Falling Off The Wagon


Urban Dictionary descibes falling off the wagon as: drinking or using drugs after a period of abstinence
The Free Dictionary's desciption is much the same, saying it means: to start drinking alcohol again, especially too much alcohol, after a period when you have not drunk any.

 (I'm clearly all about research haha).

Yesterday, I almost fell of the wagon. Almost.



The day started out fine. But as circumstances would have it, I was faced with something I had been trying to forget about/avoid and I couldn't handle it.
I can't go into any detail, but basically, I have made a major decision to change something in my life and it has been a struggle at best. I had been dreading the day I would encounter the thing I had been avoiding, and yesterday it happened.
And it sucked.
And I felt sick to my stomach and like I'd been run over by a train.

At first I was just in shock. Then I felt sorry for myself. Then I started feeling like I actually couldn't go on if I didn't take my mind off it somehow. I felt almost traumatised by the experience and needed to take the edge off. The best way to do this was with alcohol.

I didn't want to get completely drunk. All I wanted was one drink. It was either that or cigarettes, and I wasn't about to take up smoking, so I decided I would have a drink.

And I have said before that I have felt like drinking, but this time I actually went and bought alcohol. Like, walked into a liquor store and chatted to a guy there about which whiskey I might like to buy.
I went with Canadian Club Whiskey, the good stuff. I didn't even get ID'd. I hadn't been in a liquor store for over two years.





After this I went and bought some ginger ale and a couple of limes (which were insanely expensive) but I figured if I was going to have a drink, it flippin better be a good one! I wasn't about to skull a bottle of vodka.


I had to go to work then, and was busy for a few hours. When I got home, my flatmate/one of my besties Joella came and gave me a hug.
I casually pulled the whiskey out of my bag and she did not look impressed.


She then gave me a very serious yet inspiring pep talk about how I was stronger than that and how I didn't need to drink etc etc etc and BASICALLY that she wasn't going to stand by and watch me break my sober streak, regardless of what I said.

So I ate a muffin that Katie had baked (thanks for that by the way) and I didn't have a drink.
I put the alcohol on my shelf, the guy at the liquor store said it can stay good for ages if you don't open it.

Joella reckons that it'll be a good reminder of that time I almost drank, but then didn't.




Why am I telling you all this? Because I want to be honest about my journey with alcohol, and the fact that its not always that easy. I didn't expect to wake up this morning with my sobriety still intact. I can't actually believe I didn't get to have a drink last night. I wanted it so bad. The desire has never been so strong in all the time I have been sober.
But I guess God knows better, and He knows that sometimes when we think we can't overcome something, we can surprise ourselves. In any case, He is bigger than all the problems I'm facing, and alcohol is never going to help me solve anything.


Thanks to all the friends who encouraged me not to drink yesterday. Although I probably would have done it if Joella wasn't there to stop me, I really appreciate you guys trying to help me.



Here's hoping it only gets better from here! And just by the way, I don't have the desire to drink anymore.