Happy Birthday Joe!

Today is my good friend Joe's birthday.
He is sneaky about it though, doesn't have his birthday on Facebook.
The sad thing is, this might mean that the majority of his friends won't know its his birthday.

That's why I felt compelled to dedicate this blog entry to him.

I will also give a little fun story about Joe, seeing as that is what you all probably expect from me at this point.

This was taken at Joel's 21st in 2011. It was funny because I freaked out Huei (the photographer) because after she asked us if we wanted a photo I told her that it was awkward since Joe and I had just broken up. A few people in earshot instantly walked away from us. Hahaha, classic!

I don't remember the first time I met Joe, maybe he does, it wouldn't have been til my second year at University though. I began going to church more regularly once I joined Student Life, and because most of the friends I was making at Student Life also went to Elim Church, I got my ins with different people in that way.
Joe isn't exactly part of the Student Life crew, but he still associates with them. I honestly can't say how I became friends with him.
I know at some stage we became friends and he nicknamed me: Minion 23. I think this was a joke that implied he had 22 minions before me. Hahaha, as if!
But anyway...

I was Minion 23, and didn't know Joe very well, up until I moved in next door to him in my third year.
Our friendship was solidified by Joe introducing me to this awesome show called: How I Met Your Mother. Since I'd arrived in Dunedin weeks before University was set to begin, I spent a lot of my time hanging out with Joe, watching How I Met Your Mother. I even convinced him to make a deal with me, that neither of us were allowed to watch any episodes without the other. This carried on into the year until Season Six of the show finished. Joe and I didn't hang out so much after that, but it was still good bonding time.

Joe and me chilling in the Gables, 2011.

When I lived next door, Joe would CONSTANTLY hide behind doors so that when I came down stairs he would jump out (or simply walk out casually) and I would get a massive fright.

These days I don't see Joe as much as I'd like, we are both really busy and hardly ever hang out, but I still think he is a great friend and I wish him all the best. It is his birthday today, so I wanted to make him feel special somehow.
I don't plan on leaving the house today so this was the best thing I could think of...
YOU BETTER LIKE IT, JOE!

This was taken at Elim Student Camp 2012. It demonstrates Joe's awesome photo-bombing skills. Are you impressed?

p.s- Joella and Chloe I will dedicate a blog entry to you guys sometime in the future. Just be patient. ITS JOE'S BIRTHDAY! GO AND HUG HIM!

Lost

Dearest Blog Readers,

I don't know what I'm up to.
In my life.

I went to my friend Dylan's 21st tonight at 10 Bar.
Ye Olde Ten Bar
I remember going there in First Year (not too often though because I was fresher and its an unwritten rule that freshers stay out of the Octagon, or "Octy" as it is affectionately called by Scarfie Bar-Attendees). I went there more often in Second Year... I think... I don't really remember.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

But anyway.
21sts make me very contemplative.
I contemplate my life.
What have I achieved thus far?
Where am I going?
What am I still doing at University?
Why am I doing Honours in Film Studies?
Does any of this even matter?


I want my piece of paper. I want an Honours degree.
But the in-between part is still confusing for me.

I guess I just expected my life to be different by now.
I'm not saying I'm not grateful for the life I have, because I really am.
I'm so blessed to be able to even attend University, let alone for four years now.
And I was walking through campus today and it is SO FLIPPING BEAUTIFUL!
Seriously, Otago University is gorgeous. All the trees, and the grass, and the Leith, and that fancy clocktower of ours. We are lucky Scarfies.

So why write a blog about this?
I don't know. It helps me to process I guess.
And it is my blog and people expect to read random stuff so its not like you're getting anything other than what you came for :-P


I just don't know what I'm up to.
Tonight I wanted to drink.
I don't know why. I'm jealous of my Christian friends who drink.
I want to believe I can drink again and have it be fine, but I don't know.

I feel like I'm stuck.

I need something to change.
Maybe its my attitude.
Maybe its my outlook on life.

There are some things I thought I was over, that I'd grown out of and matured through, but now I'm starting to feel like that isn't the case.
Could be the temptation to drink again, could be relationships that aren't what I thought they were, realising that I don't really know what I'm doing at all.

Its hard. Feeling like you don't know what you're doing.

Anyone know what I'm talking about?
To quote a musician I'm a fan of: This might just be a quarter(ish) life crises, or just a stirring in my soul.


Kinda sounds like that might be it.

Why I Stopped Drinking

Its really late and I should probably be in bed because I have church in the morning, but I felt compelled to write this!

Lately I have been talking a lot with people about my drinking in the past. As you may or may not know, my dear blog readers, I have been sober for almost two years now. Prior to this however, I quite enjoyed drinking and essentially getting wasted. It pretty much became part of my identity. I know that might sound really lame, but honestly, I thought my excessive drinking was what made me "cool" and why people wanted to be friends with me and hang out with me or whatever. 

Its ironic really because even now as a sober person, I am able to act more drunk than the people who are actually consuming alcohol around me...

This is a photo from my first year at University. I loved that wine, it was my favourite and I'd happily drink a whole bottle by myself. 

I'm sure for most of you out there that's no big deal though. I'm not condoning what I did, but I also don't judge those who prefer to maintain a lifestyle of drinking heaps like I used to have. But for me, obviously something changed, something lead me to give it up for good and that's what I want to write about.

It has come to my attention that while a lot of people know I don't drink alcohol anymore, most of them don't actually know the reasons why.

I guess it really started to get out of hand at the start of my second year at University. I was out of the hall of residence I had been living in the previous year, and this meant that I was able to have alcohol around me all the time, and I could drink whenever I pleased. It got to the point where I was drinking before class (yes I went to class slightly drunk), I would drink after class, if I was bored, if I was sad, and if I was in a good mood but wanted to be in a BETTER mood! People say alcohol is a depressant, well for me it isn't a depressant til much later. 

When I started drinking I would be HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HYPPPPEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR but then eventually I'd crash and then BOOM! Super depressed. 

When I hit the depression part, I would spiral. This was especially bad in my second year because my beloved doggie Brutus (11-ish years old) was put down only a few months beforehand and I wasn't dealing with it very well. When I was drunk I would cry about it a lot. I remember sitting on the pavement across the road from the Monkey Bar and just crying and crying and crying. I remember telling someone I didn't "want to do this anymore" [drink alcohol] but this wasn't enough to stop me.

I had always struggled with giving alcohol up. If you've read my testimony (http://girlthateatschips.blogspot.co.nz/2011/04/my-testimony.html) then you would be somewhat well versed in this by now. But eventually I was convicted by God (yes, you read that right) to give up alcohol if I was going to follow Him with everything I had. I couldn't keep pretending to be a loyal Christian and then get wasted every weekend and have a secret addiction to alcohol that I wasn't telling anyone about. I was pretty much a hypocrite. I wasn't living a life to be proud of. I was no different to someone who didn't know about or believed in God, so what was the point of calling myself a Christian?

I'm sure you see my line of thought even if you don't agree with what I'm saying.

So I gave alcohol up. Just like that. Cold turkey. I still remember my last drunken night in town with my friends. I think I even knew at that point that something was about to change (even though I didn't know at the time it was my last drunken night in town). I was over it though. I didn't enjoy getting wasted anymore, and I wanted something to change but didn't really have the will to do it at that point.

But it did happen. And for over a year it was going really well! People have become accustomed to the fact I don't drink. I'm teetotal (that's an awesome word, you should look it up).

Lately though....

I want to drink again.

I'm not going to lie. This year has been hard. I go to all these Honours events with free alcohol and it would be so easy to just have a few beers... no one would even know...

I don't know why this has become a problem for me again. And it leads me to wonder if I'll ever be able to drink moderately ever again. At this point I just want to drink HEAPS until I forget everything. I want the escape.

I think Honours and the uncertainty of my future is stressing me out.

But I'm going to stay strong.

The hardest thing for me now is when my friends drink in front of me. 

I know I can't go through my life asking my friends not to do that because I have a self-control problem, but a part of me just wants them to understand why I don't drink anymore and how they can potentially help me.

As my friends, wouldn't they want to do that?

Don't get me wrong, I want to start drinking again but I'm not going to.

I've been through all that drama and I'm not willing to undo all my progress just because I'm not coping well.

I just wanted you, blog readers, to understand why I don't drink anymore.

I think I have a drinking problem. Maybe you don't agree with me, and that's OK, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm not willing to start drinking again. At least not any time soon. :)