Disappointment Part 2.

Hello Blog.



This may be my most negative blog post ever.

I am livid.


For awhile now I have felt like certain friends and I have a really weird, disjointed relationship.

I try not to pay too much attention to it.

No one talks about.



But I'm really fed up now, and I have to vent.



Last week I wrote into a Q&A panel at my church.

I asked how to deal with people in your life, especially Christians, disappointing you.
Acting like you don't matter.
Disrespecting you.
Ignoring you.
Forgetting you.


I don't remember everything that was said in response.



The panel did say it was a very good question.





The truth is, I constantly feel disappointed by people.

Our woman's pastor said that we shouldn't have too high expectations of people.

But I really don't have ones that are that high.


For example, it was my birthday a week ago, and all I expected was for my friends to send me a simple "Happy birthday". Surely that isn't asking too much??????

But it was.

Some people can't be bothered doing that.

So be it.




But the part that is worse for me, is when people don't care enough to include you in their important life events, or to attend your important life events.


When certain "friends" didn't come to my engagement party, a bitter seed was planted inside me.

It showed me that they clearly didn't care enough.

In some instances, I decided to cut these "friends" from the list of those who were invited to the wedding.

I'm twenty four now. I can't be bothered with people who don't care about me.

Caring is showing up to important life events.




I am sick and tired of making an effort for people who don't make an effort in return.



I feel like I am CONTINUALLY making an effort with almost all of my friends, basically begging them to catch up with me. They rarely ask ME if I want to catch up.

Why can't someone offer every once in awhile? It makes me very sad and feel like they don't actually care.



I'm sure you're seeing a pattern.



I found it really hard when my good friends Joella, Xanda and Katie all moved away.

They are the genuine kind of friends I don't have these disappointment issues with.

I never wonder where I stand with them. I know they care. They make this known to me.



Other people just don't treat me like I am actually valuable to them.


When they don't invite me to their birthday parties, or graduation dinners, or offer to hang out with me on my birthday when I'm all alone and sad and crying.

I don't have it all together.

I need people around me.

I am very sensitive and emotional and I really invest everything I have into my friendships and I just feel like people don't do the same for me.


I feel like I am taken for granted.



I feel soooooo lucky and blessed, almost to the point of crying, that I have Lyndon.

He is my best friend, and sometimes (most of the time) it feels like he is all I have.

It feels like he is the only one that cares.



I know this isn't the truth, but I continually feel this way.


If I didn't have him, I would be all alone. :-(



I have tried to stop myself feeling like this, and making more of an effort with friends, but nothing has changed.

So I have tried to stop caring, and just invest into Lyndon.




But I don't want to continue on this way.

I want the people in my life to know how I feel.

Mostly I feel really really sad.


I want to create stronger friendships with people but I just don't know how.

I don't know what to do to get myself invited to graduations and birthday parties.

I don't know how to make people like me enough to want to hang out with me.

I just don't know.



For now, I am going to take a break from social media.

When I'm on there I just see how much fun all my friends are having without me.

How they have fun events with other people and that I am not invited to.

It makes me feel very disappointed.



I don't know if anyone will read this, but if they do, know that I am only writing this because I care.



I care too much.



I miss my friends.




I love them, and I just want them to love me too.
Enough to include me in their lives.





I feel like a stranger.




I know I am super super lucky to have Lyndon.

It's sad when you feel like you have nothing without your boyfriend/fiance/husband, it's not supposed to be like that.


Please don't comment and say we should hang out unless you REALLY mean it.

So many people come of as phony.




I just want you to be real with me.

How To Get Over Someone

I felt it was time to write a blog post again.

I actually decided I would write about this topic awhile back, as I had a friend who was struggling with getting over a girl.

I know most people would have tips on how to get over someone (and don't say "get under someone else" because that's not what I mean!), but the tips I have actually worked REALLY WELL for me.

I thought it was my duty to share these with you.


I don't claim to know everything, but I do know a little about what it's like when you love someone and they don't love you back.





So some context:



A few years back, I met a guy.


I thought he was perfect for me.


We became friends.


We spent a lot of time together.


I thought that even though he said he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with me, he would change his mind.


He didn't.


He lead me on.


I kissed him and he kissed me back.



He made me feel like we were a couple.



We weren't.



Eventually I couldn't take it anymore.



I wanted more, and he didn't want to give that to me.



We said we loved each other but I was IN LOVE with him.



He probably knew it.




I don't class this guy as an ex-boyfriend.
Because we were never a couple (he made sure of that)
But the feelings I had for him were stronger than those I had for previous boyfriends.

He was, in my own words, a "pretend boyfriend".

Before Lyndon I actually had a total of three pretend boyfriends, and Lyndon was actually my fourth pretend boyfriend until he turned into a real one.


You can already see how messed up this was.



It left me feeling worthless.

Like I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend.

And like he was just using me to gratify himself.




When I told my friend and esteemed relationship expert Keron about my situation, he was horrified.


He told me to end it immediately.

I told him I couldn't.
I needed this guy in my life.
He was everything.


Keron told me that I had to end it.


I continually refused.


He said if I didn't, the pain would only get worse.


Eventually, and I don't really know how, Keron convinced me to end things.
He had a list of rules for me, which are what my tips that I will be sharing with you today are based on.












1. Do not call, text, email, Facebook message or nothing. 

This probably seems obvious, but you have to continually remind yourself of this when you're going through a break-up. The "or nothing" refers to Facebook stalking, trawling their Instagram, leaving comments you know they will see and potentially respond to, etc.




2. Avoid them at all costs. 

You are essentially on an "EX BAN". I know that might sound harsh but it's WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO GET OVER THEM! Out of sight, out of mind. I cannot tell you how helpful this was for me. Keron put me on a ban for six months. He said that if we'd been more involved (like, sexually or whatever) it would have been A YEAR! But thankfully we'd only kissed a few times so he thought six months would suffice. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere I knew this guy would be.




3. Do not talk about them. 

Or in my case, write songs about them. Before I broke up with this guy I deliberately wrote a song called "The Last Song", which I told ALMOST EVERYONE was the last song I would ever write about him. I knew if I didn't do this I would keep wallowing in my misery and writing a billion songs about how awful he was to me. It was also extremely hard but during my six month ban I worked really hard to never say anything about the guy. I was prone to tearing him down behind his back to our friends and I really didn't want to do that anymore.




4. Have accountability people.

Because this guy and I had different friend groups, I had a range of people I told about my break-up and asked them to keep me accountable. If they saw me talking to him or hanging around in places where he would normally be, they would have to take me aside and ask me what I was doing. I knew that if I didn't share the news of the break-up with certain people I could easily sneak around and see this guy without my other friends finding out. I didn't want this to happen.
Funnily enough, Lyndon was one of these accountability friends, as he and I were quite close when I was going through this break-up. Yup. He was there through it, the poor dear.







5. Don't count down the days.

The last thing you want to be doing when you're on a ban is count down how much time you have left until you can see and talk to the person you are banned from seeing. When I first broke up with the guy, I checked off each day as I went, but after a few months, it didn't matter to me anymore and I stopped. It actually blows my mind how obsessed I was with this guy and makes me feel soooo grateful that Keron helped me the way he did.







6. Get on with your life.

There is a good reason you have ended the relationship, so realise that its for the best and move on.
Life is still worth living. You don't need to wallow in the pain. It's not worth it. It probably does make for good songwriting, but you need to give that up eventually too. I probably could've written a whole album during the six months I was banned from seeing that guy, but Keron told me it wasn't worth it.







The last thing I'll say is, even though you get an idea of how deep I was into the relationship, it was a lot worse than I can even describe.

Ending my relationship with him, effectively CUTTING HIM OUT OF MY LIFE, was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

And it sucked.

A lot.

When I accidentally ran into him on the street, I had a meltdown. I cried and cried and even went out and bought alcohol.
I was really messed up.


But I got better.


And I got over it.


And by the end of the six months, I didn't care that the ban was over.


I didn't need him in my life anymore, nor did I want him in it.





That was probably the most satisfying feeling.


Knowing that I didn't need him.



If you are going through a break up, I know how much it sucks. But you can get through it, and you'll feel SO MUCH BETTER once you're on the other side.

Be strong.






I hope this has helped x















p.s- Don't forget to check out my album, most songs are written about the guy written about in this blog
https://martinette.bandcamp.com/album/sweeping-statements

Being Woman Hurts. Period.

Today I am going to write about something that I'll probably get told off for.
It is considered by some people as inappropriate and gross.
But you know what, IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL!


And I want to to talk about it!!!

If you don't want to read about menstrual cycles, feel free to exit this blog now.

However, if you are interested in my thoughts on the matter, then feel free to read on.



I know that this might be a little weird to write about, but since almost 100% of women have a period at least once in their life, we shouldn't think of periods as disgusting and something we should keep a secret.



There are many terms used to describe one's period, these include

• Aunt Flo  – cousin Red – crimson wave – delicate  – get (one's) redwings – have the painters in –in her flowers – on the blob – on the rag – red tide – ride the cotton pony – Sally – shark week – surf the crimson wave –that time of the month –  women's trouble

I refer to my period as Eunice, which I adopted from one of my best friends.

I always tell this friend about how Eunice is being a b****, or "Eunice is kicking my ass today" etc.


I also like to warn Lyndon when I'm about to get my period by telling him Shark Week is coming.
I think it's funny, and makes me feel a little better.


I HATE MY PERIOD.



The reason I'm writing about it is because it is mine and Eunice's 10 year anniversary.

It was almost 10 years ago, on the 16th October 2004 when Eunice entered my life for the first time.


As a young girl, you hear gossip about some girls getting worse periods than others, and you pray that when you finally get yours that you will not be one of those girls.



Unfortunately, I am.




Whenever Shark Week commences, I have to withstand the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced.

Breaking my arms, getting my wisdom teeth out, biting through my tongue, having a horse stand on my foot, having a needle shoved into my hand, nothing has ever come close.

And the worst part is, I have to endure this pain MONTHLY.



It's enough to feel extremely hopeless.


For me, the pain feels like someone constantly stabbing my uterus with a dull knife, whilst also twisting it around just for effect.

I want to crawl under a piece of furniture and die.


I'm sorry that this sounds dramatic but it is actually unbearable.




I remember when I was working as a receptionist when I was 16 at my Dad's medical clinic.
I was on my period and the painkillers weren't working (just so you understand, I am constantly on painkillers as soon as I sense Eunice knocking on the door, but they don't work 100% of the time).
So I was at the clinic, meant to be working, and I couldn't stand the pain.
I literally crawled under a bookcase in one of the offices.

Thinking about it now makes me want to laugh.

My mum walked in and asked me what I was doing.


Yup.


I definitely lose my mind a little bit when I'm "on the rag".


Another memorable moment was when I was in chemistry class, pale as a sheet, in excruciating pain.
 My teacher asked if I was okay, I said I was, and she told me she didn't think I was and that I should go home.


So I did.


I went home and got into my pajamas and lay on the couch eating crackers and hummus (I don't know why but chips, crackers, bread etc. makes me feel better when I'm in pain).
My parents came home once they finished work to find me in front of the TV.
They asked me what I was doing and I told them I was sent home from school.

It wasn't the first time.



It's not even like I asked to go home, because I often didn't.

I just lose my mind so much when I'm hopped up on painkillers and they don't work that people can't deal with me and think its better if I just go home and take care of myself.




It's hard when you have to work while on your period.

My boss at the cafe has mentioned to me, while I've been on my period, that I "seem flat".

That's a good way to put it!!!!!

And it's true.


I am flat when I'm in so much pain I can barely think or talk coherently.





I have been prayed for many times for my pain to go away, but as of yet, I have not seen any results from this.

God has healed me from colds, headaches, and other kinds of pain, but period pain doesn't seem to be one of them.



It's okay though.


I get through it.


I have survived all 120 periods I have had thus far.




I am pretty keen to get pregnant and not have a period for nine months, it'll be a nice break.

I wonder if my experience with the excruciating pain will make child-birth not as traumatic.

I'll have to let you know.




Something I think is totally unfair is the fact that some girls do not get any period pain.

No offence, but it's total bulls***.


The fact that there are some girls, like me, who want to walk in front of traffic when they're on their periods because it hurts so much, and then there are other girls who barely notice their periods and are only slightly annoyed at the inconvenience it causes, is totally unfair.

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!



It's so unfair.

Life is unfair.

The difference of pain between women is one of the most unfairest things ever, in my world at least.



Poor Lyndon.


He takes care of me.



He knew about my traumatic time-of-the-month before we ever went out.


One time we were watching 'The King's Speech' at my flat and my painkillers weren't working and I had to leave the movie and go upstairs and curl up in my bed in the fetal position.

I have found that lying in a fluffy bed with blankets and warm things is the best thing you can do when you have period pain.

Honestly, nothing beats it.


Although, sometimes its good to sit on a couch with your legs bent up to your chin, with a warm fluffy blanket of course.

The key is not to be vertical.


Being vertical is not your friend.



I told Lyndon that yesterday.




If you're a guy and you're reading this, the best thing you can do for a girl who is on her period is to be nice to her.


Don't be a douche.

Tell her that you're sorry she is in pain.

Get her chocolate.

Honestly, chocolate is awesome for a girl on the rag. I don't even like chocolate and I LOVE THE STUFF WHEN EUNICE IS VISITING!!!!!!


Lyndon makes the most of this and likes buying a ton of chocolate during that time of the month so he can enjoy it too.

He drives me around because I'm not supposed to be behind the wheel of a car in my drug-addled state.
He also brings me food and makes sure I'm comfy and has plenty of hugs for me.

He is awesome.

I appreciate him heaps.



Suffering through my period is definitely easier with a loving man in my life, I'm sorry if that is offensive to say but it's the truth.


I really feel like a Tim-Tam slam.


Oh my gosh, Joella, I haven't had a Tim-Tam slam in SOOOO LOOOONNNGGG!!!!

Not since you moved away!!! Aaarrgggghhhh!!!!

My life is so not complete without a Tim-Tam slam every now and then.



Anyway.

I digress.



The moral of the story is: periods suck.
Especially my ones.

I feel fat and ugly, my skin breaks out, I feel bloated and useless.
At least it's only for a few days.

See how someone treating you nicely can go a long way??


Being a woman isn't easy, so be nice to those around you!!!!



You never know if their uterus is severely unhappy.





Sorry if I grossed you out.





Here's a funny article about how to make a woman on her period feel better:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Woman-Feel-Better-While-She's-on-Her-Period