Valentine's Day? Really?

I'm thinking about turning my blog into less of like a "dear diary.. I WANT A DRINK! WAAAAHHH!" and more of like, a column where I can express my thoughts about things.
I could even try to put it IN COLUMNS! How cool would that be?!!?


Answer: super cool.



I'm not gonna lie.. I don't know how to put it into columns...

So just forgeddaboutit.

Today's topic is: ST. VALENTINES DAY.

Most of you won't know this, I have never had a boyfriend during this day. Never. Not one.
I am 22. I have had some boyfriends, but never in February. Don't ask my why because I don't know.
Maybe they planned it that way.
Cheap bastards..

I used to always say: "Bla bla bla Valentine's Day is dumb, you should appreciate people everyday of the year not just on February 14th bla bla bla"
But I don't know. Maybe it can be cute, or whatever.

Maybe it just gives people an excuse to be nice to each other when on other days they don't have the courage. I love giving people treats and doing nice things for them, but most of the time when I do this, it can just start to seem like a normal thing and then I stop being appreciated. If I only did it on one day then maybe I'd get the recognition that I deserved.
And I know what guys say, they're all "The guy has to do everything on Valentine's Day", well maybe that's just how the world works.
I know for a fact that with all my guy friends, they are never the one making the effort for me, I'm the one who wants to give them chocolate and back scratchies and write songs about them. What about MEEEEE?
I want some reciprocation, please. Maybe guys just need an incentive. Valentine's Day is an incentive.

And for all the guys who didn't do anything for their gf's today, you kinda suck a little bit. Its ONE day. Seriously, are you not even gonna put ANY effort in? That's just sad, and I expected more from you.
Yes, you should be nice to your gf everyday of the year, but Valentine's Day is a consumer's DREAM and everyone knows when it is so don't pretend like you forgot.
There are literally advertisements everywhere.


Anyway. I'm done now.
Feel free to disagree with me, this is just my opinion. So you can't say its wrong. THIS IS HOW I FEEL! AND I LIKE TO WRITE ON MY BLOG!

Thanks for reading, keep the party alive.

Here are some fun memes I found:

Almost Falling Off The Wagon

Urban Dictionary descibes falling off the wagon as: drinking or using drugs after a period of abstinence
The Free Dictionary's desciption is much the same, saying it means: to start drinking alcohol again, especially too much alcohol, after a period when you have not drunk any.

 (I'm clearly all about research haha).

Yesterday, I almost fell of the wagon. Almost.



The day started out fine. But as circumstances would have it, I was faced with something I had been trying to forget about/avoid and I couldn't handle it.
I can't go into any detail, but basically, I have made a major decision to change something in my life and it has been a struggle at best. I had been dreading the day I would encounter the thing I had been avoiding, and yesterday it happened.
And it sucked.
And I felt sick to my stomach and like I'd been run over by a train.

At first I was just in shock. Then I felt sorry for myself. Then I started feeling like I actually couldn't go on if I didn't take my mind off it somehow. I felt almost traumatised by the experience and needed to take the edge off. The best way to do this was with alcohol.

I didn't want to get completely drunk. All I wanted was one drink. It was either that or cigarettes, and I wasn't about to take up smoking, so I decided I would have a drink.

And I have said before that I have felt like drinking, but this time I actually went and bought alcohol. Like, walked into a liquor store and chatted to a guy there about which whiskey I might like to buy.
I went with Canadian Club Whiskey, the good stuff. I didn't even get ID'd. I hadn't been in a liquor store for over two years.

After this I went and bought some ginger ale and a couple of limes (which were insanely expensive) but I figured if I was going to have a drink, it flippin better be a good one! I wasn't about to skull a bottle of vodka.


I had to go to work then, and was busy for a few hours. When I got home, my flatmate/one of my besties Joella came and gave me a hug.
I casually pulled the whiskey out of my bag and she did not look impressed.


She then gave me a very serious yet inspiring pep talk about how I was stronger than that and how I didn't need to drink etc etc etc and BASICALLY that she wasn't going to stand by and watch me break my sober streak, regardless of what I said.

So I ate a muffin that Katie had baked (thanks for that by the way) and I didn't have a drink.
I put the alcohol on my shelf, the guy at the liquor store said it can stay good for ages if you don't open it.

Joella reckons that it'll be a good reminder of that time I almost drank, but then didn't.




Why am I telling you all this? Because I want to be honest about my journey with alcohol, and the fact that its not always that easy. I didn't expect to wake up this morning with my sobriety still intact. I can't actually believe I didn't get to have a drink last night. I wanted it so bad. The desire has never been so strong in all the time I have been sober.
But I guess God knows better, and He knows that sometimes when we think we can't overcome something, we can surprise ourselves. In any case, He is bigger than all the problems I'm facing, and alcohol is never going to help me solve anything.


Thanks to all the friends who encouraged me not to drink yesterday. Although I probably would have done it if Joella wasn't there to stop me, I really appreciate you guys trying to help me.



Here's hoping it only gets better from here! And just by the way, I don't have the desire to drink anymore.

Ten Days In My Hometown

What up! Hope all my southern hemisphere readers are enjoying the summery weather that we are SOMETIMES blessed with. Also hope that all the northern hemisphere peeps are staying warm.

I have come to the end of my time in my hometown. It has only been ten days (hence the title of this blog post, haha). It has been both good and bad, like most things in life.



I want to start off by saying, the fact that I even got home on the 24th is a gift from God. The weather was atrocious, and even though I believed God would come through for me and answer my prayers for making it home safely on all my flights, the possibility of not making it was very likely.
So I prayed a lot on Christmas Eve while I was travelling. I asked God to please please please make the weather ok for me to fly. I hadn't been home since February and I missed my dogs desperately and the thought of not being with my family on Christmas Eve was so depressing I didn't even want to consider it.
It all worked out though. God answered my prayers. Even though Wellington Airport had cancelled all their flights the previous day, I got onto mine (a little delayed) and got to Auckland with time to spare.
In Auckland, the flights to Whangarei and Keri Keri (towns relatively close to Kaitaia) were cancelled.
I prayed even harder now that the flight to Kaitaia would still be on. And it was. And I got onto the plane in the pouring rain and wind, and we flew all the way to Kaitaia. I thanked the Lord and told Him I would tell people how He made sure I got home. The fact He even cares about me making it home for Christmas just shows how awesome He is. <3



Once I got back to Kaitaia, I could not WAIT to see my doggies. I walked into the house and took my shoes off and there on the stairs were my little buddies. They were SO HAPPY to see me. It was unlike any reunion I'd ever had with them. Asterix jumped up on me and tried to lick my face. I cried with happiness, telling them how much I loved them and how much I had missed them this past year. There was so much love flying around. SO MUCH LOVE AND JOY!


Aside the immeasurable happiness of being with my dogs again, I have also been faced with the usual uncomfortableness and surrealism of being back in my hometown. It always feels weird.
Nothing has changed, but at the same time it feels like everything has changed.
I've spent most of my time watching movies.
I've been out on the farm a few times.
I've only hung out with a couple people, Jo-Ann, James and Floris (who live in Dunedin now too) and Lara.
That is all.

Everyone else I used to be friends with aren't the kinds of people I see anymore.

I find it really hard to deal with it, but I am slowly accepting it. You can't keep all your friends. It is impossible. And I am sick of fighting. My friendship plants with people are well and truly dead (refer to: Friendship Plant Blog Entry if you don't know what I'm talking about).
They are dead. Maybe they tried to revive it. Maybe I tried to revive it a hundred times now. But its dead. And its going to stay dead. And I don't have the energy to care about it anymore.

I'm sorry. Our friendship died. You don't even seem to care, so whatever, right?

I have less friends in Kaitaia than I could count on my one hand.

I'm going to stop talking about this now..


On a total separate note, I have been playing lots of PIANO recently. Which has been cool. I forgot all of the songs I used to play, and have been re-learning them (because I left my guitar in Dunedin and I NEED MUSIC IN MY LIFE). Its pretty funny. I told my Mum I'd been playing piano because I don't have my guitar, and she said she already figured that's why I was doing it.
I play around on it, trying to write songs, but I never get anywhere.

I really am a guitar-girl. Its my instrument, man! I miss it.

So I head back to Dunedin tomorrow afternoon, and I don't know when I'll be in Kaitaia again.
Kaitaia isn't my home anymore. I've said it before.
The more times I come back here, the more I know that for sure.


I miss my friends. Being alone all the time is a bit strange. Its good for me to have my alone time, but not this much. I have my moments where I want people around me.

I have a few ideas (.. ok, more like one) for a new song so I'll start working on that once I'm back in Dunedin.
I've also made a music page for me as a singer/songwriter on Facebook, (My EP is set to come out next month, YAY!) If you haven't done so already, you should check out my music page here: Martinette Music


Thanks for reading my blog, I shall write again later.
Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I pray that 2013 is an awesome year for you :)

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