Ten Days In My Hometown

What up! Hope all my southern hemisphere readers are enjoying the summery weather that we are SOMETIMES blessed with. Also hope that all the northern hemisphere peeps are staying warm.

I have come to the end of my time in my hometown. It has only been ten days (hence the title of this blog post, haha). It has been both good and bad, like most things in life.



I want to start off by saying, the fact that I even got home on the 24th is a gift from God. The weather was atrocious, and even though I believed God would come through for me and answer my prayers for making it home safely on all my flights, the possibility of not making it was very likely.
So I prayed a lot on Christmas Eve while I was travelling. I asked God to please please please make the weather ok for me to fly. I hadn't been home since February and I missed my dogs desperately and the thought of not being with my family on Christmas Eve was so depressing I didn't even want to consider it.
It all worked out though. God answered my prayers. Even though Wellington Airport had cancelled all their flights the previous day, I got onto mine (a little delayed) and got to Auckland with time to spare.
In Auckland, the flights to Whangarei and Keri Keri (towns relatively close to Kaitaia) were cancelled.
I prayed even harder now that the flight to Kaitaia would still be on. And it was. And I got onto the plane in the pouring rain and wind, and we flew all the way to Kaitaia. I thanked the Lord and told Him I would tell people how He made sure I got home. The fact He even cares about me making it home for Christmas just shows how awesome He is. <3



Once I got back to Kaitaia, I could not WAIT to see my doggies. I walked into the house and took my shoes off and there on the stairs were my little buddies. They were SO HAPPY to see me. It was unlike any reunion I'd ever had with them. Asterix jumped up on me and tried to lick my face. I cried with happiness, telling them how much I loved them and how much I had missed them this past year. There was so much love flying around. SO MUCH LOVE AND JOY!


Aside the immeasurable happiness of being with my dogs again, I have also been faced with the usual uncomfortableness and surrealism of being back in my hometown. It always feels weird.
Nothing has changed, but at the same time it feels like everything has changed.
I've spent most of my time watching movies.
I've been out on the farm a few times.
I've only hung out with a couple people, Jo-Ann, James and Floris (who live in Dunedin now too) and Lara.
That is all.

Everyone else I used to be friends with aren't the kinds of people I see anymore.

I find it really hard to deal with it, but I am slowly accepting it. You can't keep all your friends. It is impossible. And I am sick of fighting. My friendship plants with people are well and truly dead (refer to: Friendship Plant Blog Entry if you don't know what I'm talking about).
They are dead. Maybe they tried to revive it. Maybe I tried to revive it a hundred times now. But its dead. And its going to stay dead. And I don't have the energy to care about it anymore.

I'm sorry. Our friendship died. You don't even seem to care, so whatever, right?

I have less friends in Kaitaia than I could count on my one hand.

I'm going to stop talking about this now..


On a total separate note, I have been playing lots of PIANO recently. Which has been cool. I forgot all of the songs I used to play, and have been re-learning them (because I left my guitar in Dunedin and I NEED MUSIC IN MY LIFE). Its pretty funny. I told my Mum I'd been playing piano because I don't have my guitar, and she said she already figured that's why I was doing it.
I play around on it, trying to write songs, but I never get anywhere.

I really am a guitar-girl. Its my instrument, man! I miss it.

So I head back to Dunedin tomorrow afternoon, and I don't know when I'll be in Kaitaia again.
Kaitaia isn't my home anymore. I've said it before.
The more times I come back here, the more I know that for sure.


I miss my friends. Being alone all the time is a bit strange. Its good for me to have my alone time, but not this much. I have my moments where I want people around me.

I have a few ideas (.. ok, more like one) for a new song so I'll start working on that once I'm back in Dunedin.
I've also made a music page for me as a singer/songwriter on Facebook, (My EP is set to come out next month, YAY!) If you haven't done so already, you should check out my music page here: Martinette Music


Thanks for reading my blog, I shall write again later.
Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I pray that 2013 is an awesome year for you :)

x

Well I Guess This Is Growing Up

My first blog entry as a 22 year old!
To be honest, I don't really feel THAT different, but being 22 still takes some getting used to. Its such a random number. 22. I guess a part of me feels like life stops at 21.

I'm writing this at Uni, which is pretty weird. I feel exposed down here in the computer suite!!! Anybody can see that I am blogging. How lame am I? Hahaha.. Blogs are funny.. anyway I'm going off on a tangent..

So in case you didn't hear already, I found out yesterday that I will no longer be studying at the University of Otago. My plan, up until yesterday, was to finish my English Degree. I was in no way ready to stop being a student just yet. I was going to take another semester to polish off a few more papers and then BOOM! Double major.

But no.

As fate would have it, I was rudely awoken to the reality that I would need 10 more papers to complete my English Degree. 10. Not the 4 or 5 I had initially thought.
That was going to take more than a semester.

So I considered my options.
I could put myself through a hellish year of doing 10 English papers (I flippin' hate English with all my being, and doing the 6 English papers in the first 3 years at Uni felt like torture) OR I could do a Masters Degree in Film Studies OR I could hang up my book bag and Uni ID Card and start living my life in the real world.
I talked to my Dad about it, and we decided that the 3rd option was the best.

I told him I was confused about my future, to which he responded that he was quite sure I have been confused ever since I left high school and told him I was going to study Film and Media Studies.
I guess that may be true...
But I don't regret what I studied!!!!!!

I have loved studying film, and I know one day I will be able to use MOST of what I learned, if not as a film critic then at least as someone who works in the film industry.

I have loved my time as a student, and I'm going to miss it immensely.
I can't even imagine my life after University.
Four years.
I would like to stay longer but its mostly because I am terrified of change and I am reasonably good at being a student. I've always enjoyed attending lectures, and I even like writing essays. As weird as that is.
I like writing, if you haven't gathered that already... (you're actually reading my blog right now).



So, what's next for me?

That is a question I don't exactly know the answer to.
I am staying in Dunedin. That's one thing I know. And I hope to get a good job somewhere, if not working in film/media stuff than at least something that will help me save up some money.
The world is my oyster, as people say. I will probably need to leave Dunedin next year, but I'll worry about that later.

For now, Dunedin is my home. And I'm not leaving just yet.
Church is pumping, I have some awesome friends, and until I feel God calling me to depart this fair city, I will be sticking around..


Being a grown-up is scary. My future is unknown, but at least I know that if worst comes to worst, I'll always be able to call Dunedin my home. I LOVE YOU, DUNEDIN!


With that, I leave you. Many thanks for reading my introspective ramblings. You are truly awesome.

Here is a picture of me back when I was 18. Twas such a simpler time back then. x

#Disappointment.

This is hard to write.
But I figure the world is going to find out about it eventually.
Its the kind of thing you can't keep hidden forever.
I'm not writing it as a Facebook status as I feel it would just be down-buzzing for everyone.


If you are reading this, it means you read my blog and you actually made an effort to leave Facebook and come to this website in order to read what this #Disappointment is.


I didn't get First Class Honours.
I can't even believe it.
I just assumed everyone got First Class. You never really hear about anyone getting Second Class First Division (well I have, but only once).
Everyone always goes on about how they got First Class.
Anything else isn't good enough.

I completely f-ed up my Honours year clearly.
Not gonna lie- I've had a bit of a cry. I'm just so disappointed in myself.

I already gathered that academic writing wasn't really for me, but I tried really hard.
Guess it wasn't hard enough though.

I am having a pity party,
This is me having a pity party.


Waah. Feel bad for me. #Firstworldproblems.




I'm such a disappointment.



This sucks.



I told everyone if I didn't get First Class my life was going to be over.
So this is my life being over.
Yes, I'm being a drama queen.



I just had a cry to my parents. My dad told me he doesn't care I got 2nd Class 1st Division.
I thought he would be super upset with me but he told me that he is proud I passed Honours and that at the end of the day none of this stuff even matters.

But it matters to me!!!!!

He said that God loves me and Jesus died for me and that is all that actually matters. Haha...
Mum told me to go watch X Factor to make me feel better. And eat a tim tam.
Dad also told me I'm not allowed to cry about this again so I'll try not to.
But I feel sad.




I need a hug.